24 Things People From Dallas Love
Dallas sometimes gets hate from outsiders -- but we don’t let it affect us. Dallas is a city of loving people. Want proof? Just hit any bar in Uptown. Want more proof? Here are 24 objects of Dallasites' affection.
If you don’t have a pool readily available to you, the first order of business is to befriend someone who does. Shouldn’t be too difficult. The second order of business isn’t necessarily to get in the pool. It may be just to hang out, half naked, while ogling other half-naked folk from behind sunglasses.
2. The heat
Okay, enough screwing around, it’s time to get in the pool. Still, somehow we don’t let steady streams of triple-digit days faze us.
What? It just hit 110? It’s still patio time. Cold beer exists for a reason.
25 of the world's billionaires call Dallas home. They probably aren’t giving you access to their pool.
5. Breast implants
Dallas invented AND perfected them. The evidence is all around you.
6. Frozen margaritas
A Dallas innovation that combines the nostalgia of childhood slushies with the tequila that makes you realize childhood may not have been all it was cracked up to be.
7. Boat parties
They’re like stepping onto the set of MTV’s The Grind circa 1992. Someone turn up the Snoop Dogg and tell me where I can find Eric Nies!
We overdo everything. From big hair to wearing your Sunday’s best to grab groceries to eating more BBQ than anyone should reasonably consume. The bigger the better. The Texas way.
9. The Cowboys
It might not necessarily be a healthy, loving relationship, but it’s unconditional nonetheless.
10. The Cowboys cheerleaders
Sometimes they’re the only good thing about the former relationship. Number 5, meet number 9.
There’s valet everywhere. Valet at the grocery store. Valet at the gym. Valet at the mall. Why park the car yourself, five steps from your destination, when someone else can do it for you, charge, and then get tipped? AIR-TIGHT LOGIC.
12. Strip clubs
There are a lot of them. None of us have ever been. Yet somehow business is thriving...
13. Not cooking
We have more restaurants per capita than NYC. And more obesity. Damn RIGHT Chili’s started here! Enjoy the baby back ribs song for the rest of the day.
See Not Cooking, Excess.
Okay, SOME situations call for cooking. But mostly drinking. The game may be optional depending on how the season’s going.
16. Cowboy boots
Wearing them with a suit isn’t just acceptable. It’s certifiably fashionable.
17. Not traveling past 635
When you move to Dallas there’s one golden rule: Thou shalt not drive North of 635. But then again, why do you need to?
18. Thirty-thousand-dollar millionaires
Lease a BMW, rent a cheap studio apartment in Uptown or live with mom and dad so you have just enough money to pop bottles on the weekends. Come Monday, it's back to work at Best Buy. But dude, what a sweet weekend!
19. Saying, "y’all"
Combine "you" and "all". Y’all need to learn how to use it. It’s a time saver.
20. Having a hockey team
Our lack of cold Winters and a natural water source still didn’t stop us from stealing Minnesota’s prized possession.
We love golf. And by golf, we mean drinking at the Byron Nelson.
The cost of living here makes owning a for-real grown-up home ridiculously attainable. How’s that $4,000 studio working out, San Francisco?
23. Tall Germans
Well, one tall German in particular, but he’s made us pretty fond of the others.
24. Being the best city in Texas
Austin’s nice to visit and all, but no thanks. San Antonio? Please. Houston? Just… no. Lubbock? Well, you make a compelling case there, Lubbock, but in the end Dallas runs the Lone Star State. These are the facts.
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