18 Things You Have to Explain to Out-of-Towners About Dallas
You live in Dallas. You’re likely to end up with visitors for any number of reasons. Maybe their team is playing the Cowboys. Maybe they got stuck with a long layover coming back from Mexico. Maybe they’re your parents. Regardless, you’re going to have to explain a few things about DFW to them. This should help.
1. You won’t find us at Reunion TowerNo one from Dallas actually goes there -- not because it’s not cool, it’s just not on our priority list. You’ll hear a lot of "you know, I have lived here for 12 years and haven’t actually been there." We still like it in the skyline, though.
2. It’s prettier than you thinkDallas isn’t exactly known for its beautiful landscape, but we do have some lovely scenery around the Great Trinity Forest and White Rock and Grapevine Lakes. But then, who needs trees when we have the most restaurants per capita in the whole damn country. Right?!
3. No one rides horsesOur football team notwithstanding, Dallas is not full of cowboys. That includes cowboy hats -- you aren’t likely to see too many unless you’re at a costume party or something. We like to party.
4. We don’t call it "The Big D"Only people who aren’t from Dallas call it this. Probably because it just sounds DIRTY.
5. People here are really, really good lookingWe don’t have much in the way of trees, mountains, or beaches -- so we make up for it with a lot of working out and tanning. It seems to pay off.
6. We don’t talk about the Cowboys' last playoff winWhy? You know why.
7. The roads are never NOT under constructionTraffic’s pretty rough to begin with. The construction makes it worse. The freeway lane you’re driving in will be closed next time you pass through, guaranteed.
8. Dallas and Fort Worth -- NOT the same thingThey may get abbreviated DFW, but Dallas and Fort Worth are completely different – in just about every way possible -- people, culture, feel, even location. It’s kind of far, you guys, and what with the construction it takes a while to get there.
9. Uptown isn’t ALL douchebagsMost people you’ll run into are actually pretty friendly (as is the case with most of Dallas). Are there frat guys overserving themselves? Yes. Is there more Ed Hardy and spiked hair than there ought to be? Sure. Are there 50-year-olds in pointy boots and $150 button downs creeping on 20-year-olds with short skirts, spray tans, and artificially enhanced chests? Yeah, but that’s just entertaining.
10. You can buy a house when you’re like 22Lots and lots of suburbs + lots of ways to get to Downtown = being a homeowner despite still being a pretty irresponsible human.
11. Most people who live in “Dallas”, don’t actually live in DallasMinnesota has 10,000 lakes, we have 10,000 suburbs, and (as mentioned above) many people end up there. It’s not uncommon for someone to work Downtown and live in McKinney. For reference, that’s like driving from Canada to Nebraska for work. Dallas is big.
12. Why yes, that is a park built over a freeway tunnelWhen you have space issues, the best way to go is up.
13. No one ever uses the tunnels unless they work Downtown and are sadDallas envisioned a future wherin everyone escaped Summer heat by walking around in dingy tunnels. It seemed awesome and futuristic until they built 'em and realized they... completely suck. We've spent 45 years trying to forget about them, and they're still open.
14. We are obsessed with a German guyNo, not Hasselhoff. He’s a certain 7-footer who bested LeBron and briefly made us less sad about the Cowboys.
15. Our churches are (probably) bigger than yoursEverything is bigger in Texas, including our congregations -- Dallas is home to five of the 50 largest churches in America.
16. If we stop at a gas station for tacos -- it’s because they’re amazingIt’s not because we hate you and have a craving for Pepto Bismol. We swear.
17. The state fair here is more or less a two-week holidayIt’s because we LOVE Texas, and while we didn’t need another reason to go to the gym, ingesting 1,200 calories per bite of fried goodness makes the effort worthwhile.
18. We’re not jealous of AustinHey Austin, you’re awesome. Seriously, you have a lovely town there. We don’t want to be you, though. So, Mr. Dallasite who stayed in Austin after going to UT and now calls it "my city", you can just stay there. We don’t need ya.
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