Time to decide once and for all: Dallas, or Ft. Worth?

Dallas vs. Ft. Worth

Finally settling which city has the more screwed-up metropolitan complex, we grabbed two of DFW's top bartenders -- Brad Hensarling of FW's The Gold Standard and Brian McCullough of Dallas's The Standard Pour -- to go head-to-head in a battle for city supremacy, giving them five topics and plenty of liquid courage.

Community Witbier

1. On Local Booze

Dallas's Brian: Deep Ellum, Peticolas, Lakewood, Four Corners, and while I was typing this, 15 more breweries just opened up in Dallas. Game over.

Fort Worth's Brad: Dallas makes vodka. Fort Worth makes whiskey. Enjoy your vodka. I hope it charges you more than it's worth. Oh wait, it does, kind of like every place on McKinney.

West 7th in Fort Worth
West 7th's Google Plus Page

2. On McKinney Ave vs. West 7th:

Dallas's Brian: Where's Brad’s bar? What's "West 7th"?

Fort Worth's Brad: At least West 7th hasn't been completely Dallasized. It's still got Lola's and The Gold Standard, which Brian told me is the coolest bar on the planet -- twice -- you can quote him on that.

Stevie Ray Vaughan

3. On Music, Art, and Culture:

Dallas's Brian: Well, when it comes to music, we have The O’s, Grant Jones & the Pistol Grip Lassos, Polyphonic Spree and Oishi, Somebody’s Darling and Norah Jones, Pat Green and 1100 Springs, Old 97’s and The Reverend Horton Heat, The D.O.C. and those Chicks from Dixie, Drowning Pool and Course of Empire, Hagfish and Tripping Daisy, Stevie Ray Vaughan and his brother Jimmie. Ft. Worth has… We also have the DMA and Matt McCallister, Jeff Harris, John Tesar, Omar Flores, the Bishop Arts, the upcoming Trinity Groves, and a reservations-only cocktail joint. And while they may have Tiki Dave and Brad Hensarling, we have Gabe Sanchez and the Black Swan. No contest.

Fort Worth's Brad: First of all, The Kimball has been rated the No. 3 museum in the world for classic art since it opened. Their collection is F***ING incredible. We then built The Modern... Can I get a who-has-more-Warhols count? Currently, Renzo Piano is designing the new wing for the Kimball. Can you outrun the video dinosaur at the Perot Museum? Our underground arthouses have hosted events like the premiere of Who is Bozo Texino? Your "underground" events have Facebook invites.

Traffic in Dallas

4. On Traffic

Dallas's Brian: Well, in Dallas, we clearly take the title for worst traffic when it comes to 635 [Editor's Note: In your face, Fort Worth!!!!].

Fort Worth's Brad: Traffic? What's that? If you live in the central area of Fort Worth, you'll almost never find yourself hopelessly watching a light turn green, then red... then green... then red again. Also: no one in Dallas thought of making more than one lane that goes from 35E to 75N??

Dallas's Brian: Yeah, we get it.

Mudsmith in Dallas

5. On Fort Worth Hipsters vs. Dallas Yuppies

Dallas's Brian: It's kinda like The Outsiders. The greasers are from Ft. Worth and the socials are from Dallas, but the best character in the book is named Dallas. He dies in the end. He was a greaser -- ironic but awesome.

Fort Worth's Brad: The cool thing about being a Fort Worth hipster vs. a Dallas yuppie is that you get tall, cold cans of PBR, dive bars, garage rock, and suds in your mustache all to yourself. You never have to worry about someone remixing the newest bullshit top-40 music at your bar, you never have to get the oil changed on your leased BMW, and you're never worried about how long the line is at Ghostbar. It's a simple quality-of-life decision... Also, no one will ever buy you a Vegas Bomb.