Does Your Dallas Suburb Suck? An Investigation.
Living in the suburbs isn't all that bad. Or is it? Do you sometimes have the nagging feeling that you actually live in a terrible place? Let's find out if it's true! Is your Dallas suburb missing? Feel free to defend (or roast!) it in the comments.
Oooh, Toyota moved there, so things must be looking up, right? WRONG. The absolute pinnacle of excitement in Plano consists of people-watching at The Shops at Legacy as flocks of collagen-riddled cougars, gray-haired Romeos, and twenty-somethings still residing with their parents intermingle.
King of the Hill was based off of Garland. Did you ever watch King of the Hill and think to yourself, "man, this seems like the LIFE!"? Didn't think so.
Richardson's fair-trade granola-eating, Range Rover-driving thirty-somethings thought they were hip because they got an Alamo Drafthouse. Alamo Drafthouse immediately realized they, in fact, are not. They are currently building one Downtown.
If you have more than two children and don't mind living 45 minutes away from anything even resembling excitement, McKinney is... fine, or whatever. Except when it's Bunco night in the neighborhood and things get WILD!
Two words: Preston Rd. Four words: F*** you, Preston Rd!
Wealthy jet-setters who require proximity to the airport and the spouses who cheat on them when they're traveling... home awaits!
Essentially, one giant Super Walmart.
Jerry Jones! Ross Perot Jr.! Your boss (probably)! You can smell the (decades!) old money in the air. And the new money! Seriously, they have to pipe it into the air to mask the old-man smell. Of course, if you live here, you're probably rich, so good work there, at least.
Do you want to live in a regular house that costs as much as a mansion, or a mansion that is expensive even by already-inflated mansion standards? Don't worry, your kids will behave with a staggering level of entitlement either way.
More rich people, except they have horses. They also have Southfork Ranch, featured on the show Dallas. They also think people find this interesting.
It's like Garland put on a fake-mustache disguise. You're not fooling anybody, Wylie.
No, seriously, spending that much on a high school football stadium was such a great idea.
People here LIVE for the lake. It's a rather dry lake. With tree tops sticking out of it. Actual tree tops. Yeah... everyone else is confused, too.
They should rename it FAR-view, amirite?! But for real, it's way too far away.
Terrible name. Worse city.
"No, we'd love to keep hearing about Deion Sanders... it's suuuuper interesting." (Note: People in Prosper have trouble identifying sarcasm).
Everything here is huge for no reason, except for the city itself. Huge mall, huge hotels... huge waste of time. Do people actually live here?
If you like giving your neighbors high-fives from your kitchen windows, you'll love it here. Also, if you want to avoid visits from anyone living anywhere close to resembling humanity, this is also your place.
Remember that scene in Deliverance where the kid is playing the banjo?
Do not go on the lake here. Repeat, do NOT go on the lake here.
If you think this sounds like a place that'd be deep with drug problems and daddy issues, you'd be correct.
Sure, the Cowboys are no longer there, but the airport still is! So that's... something?
If you took every chain restaurant in America and put it on one street, you'd basically have Addison. Baby back ribs, anyone?
Have you ever looked around a Cowboys game or Six Flags and thought to yourself, "It'd be great if these fine people were hanging out in my neighborhood CONSTANTLY!"? Didn't think so. Also, even the most robust anti-Austin bias can't get anyone to say nice things about UT-A
Sounds like a place you'd want to go to buy insurance. Is actually a place you don't want to go if you're an immigrant.
[Homer Simpson voice] Booooooring!
"Good sir, I quite admire your mullet and am most excited for this year's upcoming NASCAR competitions" is a conversation one might hear in Ennis, if people talked way different there.
Truck drivin'-, country music lovin'-Texans who are REALLY happy to be close to Fort Worth.
Even the guns here own guns.
Remember that scene in Wayne's World when Wayne says he's in Delaware? "Hi... I'm in Rowlett."
So many golf courses. Even more latte-swilling girls who can't even.
These are the exact kinds of people you'd expect to consciously choose to live somewhere called "Trophy Club."
Your house is nice-ish, your yard is huge, and your commute is brutal. At least you're sort of close to... Plano!
The hills are somewhat reminiscent of Austin. The rest is reminiscent of... Cedar Hill. One is significantly better.
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