Lifestyle

17 Things You Have to Explain to Out-of-Towners About Denver

People visit Denver for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they're out-of-town family. Maybe they're en route to a ski trip. Maybe they heard tell of an amazing Mexican restaurant with cliff divers on South Park and are trying to find out if it really exists. No matter who they are, this will help you deal with them.

1. Boulder is not full of dirty hippies

Yes, there are places to avoid (we see you, Naropa), but there is also an abundance of suit-wearing yuppies that run offices like Google, Ball Aerospace & Technologies, and Sunflower Farmers Market.

2. Not everyone wears cowboy hats and rides a horse

Luckily, technology has made its way to the Wild West so we can drive oversize SUVs and leave the horse and plow at home.

3. Plenty of people don't smoke weed (even now that it's legal)

Of course, for those that do, we make sure they're well taken care of.

4. Rocky Mountain Oysters aren't actually oysters

"Seriously, just try one first, and then we'll tell you. You're gonna love 'em!"
 

5. No one goes to the water park

And neither should you.
 

6. No, the MallRide doesn't run at night. Yes, it will run you over.

We know you totally have to get that crazy angle of the clock tower to put on Instagram, but you are also the only thing in the way of the driver and his lunch break, so GET OUT OF THE WAY!
 

7. We really are pretty fit

This is one of the few cities where just about everyone looks good in yoga pants!

8. Red Rocks really is the greatest place on Earth

Seriously, go there.
 

9. Highway 36 is a death trap

Two lanes + high-speed traffic + early morning commuters = Evening news.
 

10. Not everyone goes skiing/hiking/rock climbing/skydiving/camping every weekend

Sure, they're options, but that doesn't stop plenty of us from enjoying other weekend activities like hungover Netflix marathons.
 

11. We make amazing beer. Tread lightly when drinking it.

Drinking at altitude is an acquired skill, as plenty of visitors before you have discovered.

12. It's called "Menver" for a reason

So you're having a "bro's night out" with five of your friends? So is just about every guy in this bar!
 

13. It really isn't an Arctic wasteland

People picture something akin to The Wall in Game Of Thrones, but it's actually quite nice. Most of the time.
 

14. The Denver International Airport does not have bunkers where a "secret government" meets

But we'll give you that it has one of the creepiest murals ever created.

15. Yes, South Park is a real town. No, we are not going there.

Just trust us.
 

16. Yes, Casa Bonita is a real place. No, we are not going there, either.

Unless bad food, worse margaritas, and an army of wailing children are your idea of a perfect evening.
 

17. The mountains aren't so close that we can walk to the ski slopes

It takes an entire hour to drive to world-class ski resorts. Oh, the horror!

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