If you read The Denver Post, hahahahaha, but also, you probably saw Monday's story on how the city is trying to come up with a solution for the myriad problems LoDo faces after the bars close. Well, since we're such awesome civil servants, we decided to come up with a solution for them: just get rid of these 10 people
1. Anyone carrying a clipboard I understand it is important to stand up for the Earth, trees, whales, affordable health care, whales who live in trees and need affordable health care, but I'm late for work
2. LoDo party transplants There's a place for annoyingly big trucks, awful clothing styles, fake tans, and crappy food... it's called Highlands Ranch
3. Anyone who wears sunglasses... inside... at night Dude you spilled my drink... oh, you didn't see me? No way
4. Tourists Stop walking so slowly
5. Anyone who plays the bucket drums, and expects you to give them money Can I pay you to stop... forever
6. Anyone who wears Affliction, TapouT, or any other clothing line with rhinestones on it See #2
7. Corporate out-of-towners with large expense accounts who tip like s**t You look like a liar, too
8. Anyone who walks into Green Russell and orders a Red Bull & vodka You're only embarrassing yourself..
9. Anyone who walks into LoDo's and asks about their selection of single malts Just order a Red Bull & vodka already..
10. The strange crowd of crusty teenagers that always asks for your leftovers Would you mind boxing this up? I'd really love to give it to that group of kids that have done absolutely nothing to contribute to society... you know, just to say "thanks".