Denver’s come a long way towards creating a utopia of unparalleled craft beer, permissive marijuana laws, and an almost unnervingly fit general population given the first two things. But that doesn’t mean it’s without problems -- 99 of them, specifically:
1. The Rockies' pitching rotation 2. We have a bicycle gang 3. Guys who shop at Lululemon 4. Parking meters do not operate within the rules of logic 5. The construction zone known known as Cherry Creek 6. The construction zone known as everywhere else 7. Market St on a Saturday night 8. Guys who wear Uggs 9. Caught wearing shorts in a blizzard because the weatherman lies 10. Women with pics of their dogs on Tinder 11. Tinder 12. Everyone with an off-road vehicle who never goes off road 13. Peyton Manning’s medical record 14. Von Miller’s arrest record 15. … and cowboy hat 16. Highland Ranchers who say they’re from Denver 17. Overwrought facial hair 18. Everyone picks the same time to drive to the mountains 19. Lyft drivers who moved to Denver the day they started driving for Lyft 20. Your bartender is now a mixologist 21. Music festivals headlined by 2 Chainz 22. Cherry Creek bike path = homeless people freeway
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23. Fixie riders who think the entire street is their bike lane 24. The 30-minute drive to Boulder that actually takes 90 minutes 25. “Outdoorsy” people who never go outdoors 26. Everyone is quitting their day jobs to open a brewery 27. Your day job doesn’t leave you with enough time for all the new breweries 28. Waking up on a Monday after trying to go to all the breweries 29. People who go to Chloe... 30. … and get bottle service 31. Local people who say "Y’all" 32. Brahs who "Totally shred the gnar-gnar" 33. Our skyline is equal parts mountains and cranes 34. Condo-trification 35. Parts of Downtown are similar to navigating the Labyrinth 36. Soccer Moms behind the wheel 37. Trustafarians 38. Marijuana-driven shoplifting 39. Denver International Airport is only international because it’s basically in another country 40. The Denver Nuggets starting five 41. … and backup seven 42. Guilt-tripping canvassers 43. 300 days of sunshine, 150 days of snow 44. Denver has been listed as one of the top five cities for singles… single women 45. Bloody Mary bars that look like crime scenes 46. Seasons that alternate by the day 47. Great American Beer Festival fallout destruction 48. Overly aggressive bus drivers 49. Slow moving tourists 50. Bicycles are taking up our parking spots 51. So is car2go 52. Too many people, not enough cabs 53. Bucket drummers 54. The guys selling roses at bars instead of burritos 55. East/West Coast infiltration
56. Downtown Segway tours 57. Thundersnow 58. Food trucks that aren’t where they say they are 59. Coors Field whenever the Red Sox, Cardinals, Cubs, or Dodgers are in town 60. Our most famous landmark is Casa Bonita 61. People standing left on the escalators at DIA 62. The destruction of St. Patrick’s day 63. The destruction of 4/20 64. Catching MallRide late at night is like winning the lottery 65. Learning about Rocky Mountain Oysters the hard way 66. Every DU bar 67. That first run after you decide to get in shape 68. The smell when you drive by the Purina factory 69. Scraping ice off your windshield without a scraper 70. Turning down the Winter Olympics 71. An average monthly rent of $1,041 for a one bedroom 72. Cabbies who don’t turn the meter on 73. Our musical poster boy is Ryan Tedder 74. "Visit Seattle" ads
75. The raccoons are the size of labradors 76. ... and are more likely to eat your face than labradors 77. The last time we had a parade, Garth Brooks was topping the charts 78. ... so was Titanic 79. ... and Celine Dion 80. Speer Blvd between the hours of 12am and 11:59pm 81. Affliction T-shirts 82. Cherry Creek North is more homogenous than a gallon of milk 83. People who lie about having Celiac disease when they go out to eat 84. Capitol Hill’s parking situation 85. The lingering smell when the rodeo/stock show comes to town 86. The Demon Horse that makes its way into children’s nightmares 87. Evil geese in City Park 88. Poop from said evil geese 89. Skyline Park is in no way, shape, or form, an actual park 90. Pedicabs 91. People who take pedicabs 92. The horse sh*t Downtown after the "romantic" buggy rides come through 93. Certain parts of Colfax St are similar to third world countries 94. Our strange necessity to name everything after cherries 95. Trying to get a reservation when a conference of 10,000 comes to town 96. The Avalanche’s 2014 playoff run 97. No one is actually "from here" 98. People get way too excited when you say you are "from here" 99. "Menver"
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