The 25 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Denver
Denverites make good decisions most of the time -- sometimes even when they're in an altered state. However, that doesn't mean they're immune to making questionable decisions. Specifically, these...
1. Speeding on 1st Ave
Smile for your picture and await your ticket!
2. Ignoring the random weekend 5k/10k/marathon schedule
There are so many! And not everyone running them is fast. You might not be moving for a while.
3. Leaving Denver to go snowboarding/skiing with THAT guy
Four to 37 hours in traffic will turn even friends into enemies.
4. Arguing that The Gorge is in any way better than Red Rocks
It’s best described as the "Red Rocks of the Northwest." Case closed. Back to Oregon with you!
5. Believing the weather forecast
Many people in Denver have trust issues. This is why.
6. Vaping inside a restaurant
Another one: vaping outside a restaurant.
7. Failing to drink water constantly
The whole state may be in a drought, but that doesn’t mean you have to be, too. Remember, you gotta hydrate to be great.
8. Boozing the second you step off the plane from sea level
Your hangover will resemble IKEA on the weekends, Hell on earth. Speaking of...
9. Going to IKEA on the weekends
You and your girlfriend will inevitably end up in a fight. Even if she isn't with you. Actually, even if you don't HAVE a girlfriend.
10. Eating at Tom’s Diner around 4am
Unless you like your bacon and eggs with a side of stabbing.
11. Drinking the Scorpion Shot at Retro Room
You will be able to trace so many related bad decisions back to that exact moment.
12. Dish Network
13. Coyote Ugly
It's not like the movie.
14. Walking Colfax alone after dark
You want to be rolling with a Lord of the Rings-esque fellowship. Seriously, if you are friends with a wizard, bring him.
15. Nob Hill Inn before noon
It might be time for an intervention.
16. Driving East in the morning without sunglasses
Maybe just cut out the middle man (middle sun?) and shoot lasers directly into your eyes.
17. Forgetting what direction you’re heading
Those big, rocky things to the West are ALWAYS to the West.
18. Hanging out down in Lodo around 2am
Unfortunately, that's when things start to get "fighty" and "shooty."
19. Drinking non-Colorado beer
Finding good beer in Denver is like shooting fish in a barrel... a barrel full of beer, and we’re the fish, and no shooting is involved.
20. Not paying for the extra guac at Chipotle
Have you ever been disappointed after you did it? HAVE YOU?
21. Taking I-25 and hoping to get to work on time
Bring a book. And a pillow. Or just start looking for new jobs.
22. Not owning a bike
Denver society will shun you. No, B-Cycle doesn't count.
23. Moving elsewhere
Even if you screw the previous 22 things up, you'll STILL never have it better.
24. Not moving here after you visit
It’s a 100% guarantee that you’ll move out here within a year of your first visit.
25. Moving away
Everywhere else is literally all downhill from here.
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