The 23 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Detroit

Jeff Waraniak

You live in Detroit. Which, despite what some others around the country might tell you, is a damn fine decision. But that doesn't mean you're permanently in the clear -- there are plenty of ways you can still screw up. Like these...

1. Ordering a plain coney

What are you going for here, exactly? Health? Nutrition? It’s a hot dog. You already threw all pretensions of health out the window.

2. Sticking to the same two or three restaurants every time you go out

2014 alone brought you these gems, and that's just the beginning of all the deliciousness that's out there for the taking.

3. Parking at a dysfunctional meter thinking you’re off the hook

By all logic, you should be. By Detroit logic, you owe $45.

4. Ordering non-Michigan beer

No explanation necessary.

5. Splitting a Bucharest shawarma

"I mean, we could split a 6-pack..."

6. Getting Mexican food outside of Mexicantown

It's right there in the name! Go anywhere else and you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

7. Shopping at Whole Foods after work

You might find parking by the time you need to be back at work. Tomorrow.

8. Ordering a vodka tonic at Sugar House

Look, just tell the bartenders what you like and they’ll be happy to point you to your new favorite cocktail. Trust them. They're some of the best.

9. Voting for this guy


10. Calling into 97.1 with a garbage comment

Actually, keep those coming for the rest of us.

11. Trying to beat traffic on 696

Like "fetch," it’s just not going to happen. At least you have the dumb guy calling into 97.1!

12. Expecting the refs to make a call in the Lions' favor

Too soon?

13. Thinking Stafford could lead that big fourth quarter comeback

Yep, too soon.

14. Taking the Wings for granted

23 playoffs in a row. At least we can count on someone...

15. Letting summer pass without joining at least one Slow Roll

Letting TWO summers pass? What are you even doing here?

16. Planning to sit right down at Green Dot Stables

The wait is inevitable. At least there are sliders on the horizon.

17. Claiming you’re from Detroit when you’re really from the 'burbs

Stop doing this. 

18. Purchasing inferior booze

When you have Two James, Detroit City Distillery, Valentine, and the like being made right here, you might as well drink the good stuff. Didn't you figure that out with the beer?

19. Staying someplace outside of Downtown

If you’re visiting Detroit, stay in Detroit. Westin Book Cadillac, MGM Grand, Greektown, MotorCity Casino, the Crowne Plaza... you have options here. That said, see below.

20. Relying on public transportation

Yeah, sorry, that's not really a "thing" here. Gonna have to Uber.

21. Eating round pizza

Exception: Supino’s. But come on. "Jet’s is the truth." As is Buddy’s. And Loui’s.

22. Being afraid

Be smart, not scared.

23. Failing to give this city a chance

It'll be your loss.

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