The news is so boring these days that it's hardly worth reading all the way through: who cares that some dudes got trapped for months at Chili's? They probably just bought each other mad $20 Dinners for Two. For a cartoonist who totally agrees, check out F**kYeahHeadlines
Just launched and being updated daily, Headlines features willfully ignorant cartoon illustrations of major news articles drawn "without reading a word of the story", all penned by a doodle-happy interactive designer at a Denver ad agency, where apparently people spend way less time having sex and being stylish than TV would have you believe. The goodness includes
"Students duped by 'tree octopus'"
The drawing depicts a dastardly, branch-hanging cephalopod using three-card monte to steal a student's cash, when in reality, the article's about a UConn prof lecturing his kids on viral videos, meaning the university's actually using a much more sophisticated scam to rake in that of their parents'
"'I'm Robbing You, Sir': 'Polite' Robber Arrested"
A foppish robber sticks up an obliging victim, while back in the real world, a 65-year-old Seattle man held up a gas station for $300 and promised to return the money when he got back on his feet, which he presumably did by getting a New Balance
"Man Stabbed To Death By Cockfighting Bird"
His take has a dude sweating hard while a rooster holds a knife to his throat, when in reality a man was simply stabbed to death by one's steel claw at a cockfight. Which actually seems way stupider
Though it's just hard news for now, he has future plans to start illustrating vapid celebrity tweets, as even with hilarious cartoons, how long will people really care about the leaks in Wikipedia's roof?