Having a song written about you can alter your legacy -- Rubin Carter went from murderer to folk hero thanks to Dylan, and before Alanis Morissette, nobody believed Dave Coulier could get blown anywhere, let alone in a theater. Change the life of a loved one with ill beats, at GiftRapped.
From a pair of hip-hop enthusiasts/artists known as Jay Kila and Thunda Dan, for a small fee GR'll write, produce, and record a personalized rap, which they recommend you give as a gift on special occasions, from Bar Mitzvahs to Valentine's Day (hopefully compensating for the fact that you're a terrible Ed Lover). Choose a track length (1, 2, or 3+ min), then give 'em deets like what the occasion is, how to properly pronounce the subject's name, and any character traits or inside jokes you'd like rhymed; you can also upload 20-40 photos of the recipient to be used for an accompanying slideshow, not to be confused with a slide-slide-show, as that's the past, and this is something brand new for that ass. Once you've submitted all the deets, they'll start mind-busting lyrics while a dank beat's constructed by some producer friends, and they'll have the final product over to you in 3-5 biz days, during which you can sit around Pickin' Boogers.
The final package'll be sent over as Quicktime file and posted on YouTube (if you don't mind going public), but you can also request they burn it to a CD, the very medium that shockingly proved Dave Coulier can get blown in full houses even if he can't pack them himself.