Sure, we'd never (EVER!) catch you at one of Vegas's best strip clubs, or posted up at one of Sin City's topless pools, but an old-school show where not only do the girls sing and dance, but also strip down until they're... well, a lot like they are at the aforementioned pools, that's totally cool, right? Riiiiight! Lucky for you (and everyone else), we've rounded up Vegas's eight best topless shows:
Jubilee at Bally's is probably the closest you'll get to a classic, topless Vegas revue: the showgirls, whose curves tend to be on the natural side, somehow mange to show plenty of skin despite often wearing elaborate headwear (yes, there are top hats!), and the production values are the best you’ll find at an adult show anywhere.
The girls of FANTASY happen to share their theater at The Luxor with Carrot Top... but they make it up to you by baring (mostly) all, while a powerhouse singer at the center of it all does original songs AND something almost as sad as going to see Carrot Top: keeps her clothes on.
Playboy’s 2011 Playmate of the Year Claire Sinclair is the star at PIN UP inside The Stratosphere (the tallest structure... um, erected west of the Mississippi), where this big band-inspired show full of World War II-era standards was recently revamped to show a little more Claire -- and a little more skin.
Crazy Girls is one of the longest running topless shows on the Strip, and is famous for inspiring an iconic bronze statue outside its theater at The Riviera, which features a parade of backsides. It’s supposed to be good luck to touch them... no, no, no! The statue, not the actual dancers.
The nightly X Burlesque at the The Flamingo has been a fixture for more than 12 years, thanks to one titillating dance routine after another, the best of which involves a bathtub. Just saying. Also, just saying: the stripper pole in the center of the intimate theater might make you happy you bought VIP seats, but don’t whip out the dollar bills. It’s bad form.
What Zombie Burlesque at Planet Hollywood lacks in nudity it more than makes up for with... well, zombies (sexy ones!) and the occasional green boob, the former of which you usually have to shell out to see the latter anyway, so you should probably just buy a ticket.
The crew behind X Burlesque is also bringing you the heavy metal-inspired X Rocks at The Rio with music from Metallica, Muse, and Alice in Chains; performers in leather with big hair and burning guitars; and (thankfully!) actual girls instead of just dudes trying to look like 'em.
Zumanity features all the things you’ve come to expect from a Cirque du Soleil show on the Strip -- acrobats, contortionists, and strange costumes -- but this erotic cabaret at the New York-New York Casino also tries to be extra sexy. They try so hard, in fact, that they often completely forget the top part of their costumes... something that never happens at any other Cirque show in Vegas.
1. Bally's Hotel & Casino3645 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas
2. Luxor Hotel & Casino3900 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las vegas
3. Stratosphere Casino, Hotel & Tower2000 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas
4. Riviera Hotel & Casino2901 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas
5. Flamingo Las Vegas Hotel & Casino3555 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas
6. Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino3667 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas
7. Rio All-Suites Hotel & Casino3700 W Flamingo Rd, Las Vegas
8. New York-New York Hotel & Casino3790 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas
Likely the most centrally located venue in Las Vegas, Bally's is a historic landmark in the Strip's hotel and casino scene. With a state-of-the-art spa, heated pools, tennis courts, and luxury rooms renovated to refined standards after a headlines-making fire in 1980, the resort now stands as one of the most opulent, and frequented, on the Strip.
The Luxor offers some of the finest accommodations on The Strip and a rotating array of diverse performance options, plus killer bars and restos like Tacos & Tequila and Rice & Company.
The iconic Vegas hotel has a 1149ft-tall Tower, casino, live events, and, of course, a 64ft-tall roller coaster on the roof -- just in case all the other standard Vegas entertainment isn't enough for you to get your thrills.
The Riviera by the numbers: 2,000 hotel rooms, 100,000sqft of casino space, four crazy-good eats options, and the longest running burlesque show, Crazy Girls, in Vegas.
One of the most famous hotels and casinos on The Strip, the Flamingo boasts superior amenities, restaurants that range from steak to sushi, and a rotating slew of performers in residence.
With trademark Hollywood memorabilia in every room and bites like upscale Japanese and casual dining brought to you by Gordon Ramsey, Planet Hollywood delivers on a celebrity lifestyle. Just ask the lingerie-clad black jack dealers and go-go dancers you'll find on the casino floor.
Just a block off the main drag, Rio is one of the better resorts for those traveling in larger groups. The Brazilian-themed hotel's signature "chic suites" sleep six people and features various amenities, live entertainment (Penn and Teller are on retainer, along with the Chippendales), a pool area with an actual white sand beach, and a 490ft high zip-line that connects the hotel's two towers.
Get a small taste of the Big City at this hotel and casino, made to mini-version of New York City. It's not likely that friends back home will be able to tell the difference when they see you in front of a mini-Statue of Liberty which had even the US Post Office fooled and mistakenly showed up on the Forever Statue of Liberty Stamp, nor will you care when you're going from shop to shop in a Greenwich Village-like plaza, or after a neck-breaking trip on The Roller Coaster.