The 10 worst people on the Las Vegas Strip
Contrary to popular belief, Las Vegas locals don’t avoid the Strip at all costs. Why would we when there are so many great things to eat, live shows that're actually kinda sweet, world class nightclubs, and other stuff to do down there? What locals do try to avoid are the worst kinds of people down there, starting with these 10...
They're in the intersection even though they know they're blocking oncoming traffic. They won't let you into the turn lane even though they nosed their way in right before you got there. They know the fastest way to get to where you need to go, but they aren't going to take it if you aren't paying attention. *Sigh* Las Vegas Boulevard is already one of the most merciless streets to navigate and these guys just make it worse, but try not to get into a passive-aggressive cut-off fight. Just lay on your horn, put up a finger, and go on with your night.
The nudie playing-card guys
They're absolutely everywhere on the Boulevard and you'll know them by their neon shirts and the trail of breast-plastered card stock they leave behind. If you hear a "flit, flit, flit" sound, let me save you the trouble of taking a card: it's a naked lady, a phone number, and a trap.
Families with small children out after 11pm
This is a horrible street for teaching kids why you shouldn't run into oncoming traffic -- 90% of the cars are full of people who're intoxicated, and 70% of them are driven by people who might be -- and that better be what you're doing if you have your kids out that late.
The guy who can't get into the club
Stop trying to punch all of the bouncers, you're the one in sneakers and a T-shirt at a club that, at minimum, asks that you don't wear your lucky "Got Milf?" T-shirt.
The cocktail drinker at the club
The bartender has at least 100 drinks to make in the next hour. Heavy, thumping house music is coming through the speakers so loudly that anyone behind the bar is reduced to reading lips. If a drink has more than two ingredients, the orderer is a dick and has exponentially increased the wait for the next guy. Las Vegas has great cocktail bars. This place is not one of them, and doesn't claim to be. Order responsibly.
Anyone crying on the way out of the club
Sure, some serious, terrible, messed up stuff can happen in a club. But that's almost never why anyone is crying as they leave one. Put your heels back on and stop blubbering.
The guy who knows the DJ
If "knows" means "is" and "the DJ" means "Calvin Harris", then it is OK to tell security. Otherwise, please shame walk to the back of the same line you just smugly tried to skip.
Entitled Z-list celebrities
Some former child actor, current rising-in-Istanbul rapper, or nine-seasons-ago reality star will make the line of a restaurant/club/bar come to a screeching halt so they can walk in (slowly), be seated at a VIP (but not Super VIP) table, and look around to see if anyone notices them. Someone always does, thus validating their presence in the future. Pro tip: stop recognizing them already! They're like Tinker Bell. If you just stop believing, they'll lose their power.
The Midwestern Tourist
The Midwestern Tourist is almost the complete opposite of the LA Tourist (see below). They're good-natured, polite, stand in line, and didn't drive here. But what they lack in rudeness they make up for in slow walking, intoxicated-brawling, and low-tipping. Get out from behind them before entering any narrow corridors or else you're definitely going to miss your dinner reservation. Get out from in front of them if it's after 2am because they flew all the way here for the Rampage Jackson fight, and darn it, it's punching time.
The LA Tourist
Ever unimpressed, perpetually driving like assholes, unimpeachably unapologetic when it comes to line-cutting and VIP-posturing of any sort, Los Angelenos are here often enough to treat the city like their living room... but, sadly, not so much that they feel responsible for cleaning up after themselves. If you're in the service industry, great -- they understand the value of tipping. For everyone else, sorry -- prepare for a really bad, real-life episode of Entourage. Oh, and the only difference between LA tourists and New York tourists is that the latter aren't clogging the Strip with their SUVs.
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