What Every London Borough Is the Best & Worst at
Each of the 33 boroughs wrapped up by the M25 is special in its own unique ways. Each has something it can brag about with pride, and something it can brag about... with irony and a hint of shame. Yes, we trawled the stats, read the surveys, and scoured the Internet, and found out what each borough is both best and worst at...
Barking and Dagenham Best: Most affordable homes Worst: Most teen pregnancies Teens in Barking are one step closer to being able to afford that first home. Plus, they saved money not buying a condom! City of London Best: Most charities Worst: Fewest schools Well, despite the lack of schools, it looks like The City has learned something. Enfield Best: Most swearing on Twitter Worst: Worst food hygiene It isn't rocket science, people. When you find a hair in your soup, you Tweet the sh*t out of it. Hackney Best: Most cyclists Worst: Most measles The takeaway seems clear -- if you don't catch a bus, you'll end up catching something else. Haringey Best: Biggest Cypriot population Worst: Slowest broadband If you're in Haringey now... congratulations on being able to load this page! Havering Best: Most pensioners Worst: least ethnically diverse If boroughs could grow limbs and play golf, you can pretty much guarantee Havering would. Newham Best: Highest fertility rate Worst: Most overcrowded homes Um, surprise, sur-bloody-prise. Redbridge Best: Most startups Worst: Most house repossessions They can take the house, as long as you keep the garage/business centre. Tower Hamlets Best: Most tall buildings planned Worst: Most arsonists Er... we have some bad news for the people planning to put those buildings up... Waltham Forest Best: Longest-running street market Worst: Smallest economy Waltham's attitude has long been, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And now it's broke. NORTHWEST
Barnet Best: Most twin towns Worst: Most potholes Learn about foreign towns with better streets! Brent Best: Most diversity Worst: Most failing schools On the plus side, the schools are failing the maximum possible number of ethnic groups. Camden Best: Best primary schools Worst: Most drug misuse Learning to count is just a gateway to learning to weigh, divide, and then haggle over. City of Westminster Best: Most valuable houses Worst: Highest crime rate Both of these stats are skewed by the fact that the Houses of Parliament are located here. Ealing Best: Longest-running Nando's Worst: Most people living in sheds No, this is not a commentary on the size of an average London flat. Aided by exploitative landlords, migrants desperate for a bed will often opt for a literal garden shed. Near to a legacy Nando's. Hammersmith and Fulham Best: Most football clubs Worst: Worst traffic You think the traffic's bad now? Just wait until game day. Harrow Best: Lowest teen pregnancy rate Worst: Most overcrowded primary schools Thankfully, it looks like that overcrowding problem should solve itself soon enough! Hillingdon Best: Highest car ownership Worst: Worst obesity rates Look Hillingdon, we know you love your car, but unless you start walking places occasionally you're going to damage the suspension. Hounslow Best: Smallest change in daily population Worst: Most asbestos fly-tipping Almost exactly as many people commute out of Hounslow each day as commute into it... apparently, to dump carcinogens. Islington Best: Most single people Worst: Most binge drinking These two seem to go naturally hand-in-hand (unlike Islington residents). Kensington and Chelsea Best: Most affluent Worst: Most air pollution The residents are wealthy enough to afford the best of everything, except air. SOUTHEAST
Bexley Best: Most commercial river activity Worst: Fewest Tube stations Why would you need a Tube station when you can just catch a boat down the river? Bromley Best: Most green space Worst: Most carbon emissions per capita Apparently Bromley-ites, complacent in their lush, verdant surroundings, feel fine to pump as much carbon into the air as they please. Croydon Best: Most office romances Worst: Most bicycle theft Croydon's lesson to the world: after enough sweaty lovemaking sessions by the photocopier, the only way you can feel alive any more is to steal a bike. Greenwich Best: Longest riverfront Worst: Worst school truancy rates Greenwich also has the "most Prime Meridians," but that one would be sort of cheating. Lewisham Best: Most "very small" businesses Worst: Fewest cinemas Apparently Lewisham is a centre of enterprise (but not Starship Enterprise). Southwark Best: Best roads Worst: Most power cuts Why is Two-Face in charge of Southwark's infrastructure?? SOUTHWEST
Kingston upon Thames Best: Lowest crime rate Worst: Most expensive council tax The only people robbing you in Kingston are the council. Better the devil you know! Lambeth Best: Most bus lanes Worst: Highest murder rate When people in Lambeth say "You could get hit my a bus tomorrow," they mean it sort of optimistically. Merton Best: Most-improved GCSE results Worst: Most litter Most of that litter is probably Nadal's busted racquets. Richmond upon Thames Best: Longest life expectancy Worst: Most crimes against animals Punishments ought to be handed down in dog years. Sutton Best: Easiest place to sell your house Worst: Highest rate of HIV Remember, this does not make it the easiest place to buy a house. Wandsworth Best: Cheapest council tax Worst: Most people leaving If you had to pay, ugh, low rates of council tax, you'd probably leave too. Sign up here for our daily London email and be the first to get all the food/drink/fun in the city.