Lifestyle

What Every London Borough Is the Best & Worst at

Published On 04/13/2015 Published On 04/13/2015

Each of the 33 boroughs wrapped up by the M25 is special in its own unique ways. Each has something it can brag about with pride, and something it can brag about... with irony and a hint of shame. Yes, we trawled the stats, read the surveys, and scoured the Internet, and found out what each borough is both best and worst at...

NORTHEAST

Barking and Dagenham


Best: Most affordable homes
Worst: Most teen pregnancies
Teens in Barking are one step closer to being able to afford that first home. Plus, they saved money not buying a condom!  
 

City of London

Best: Most charities
Worst: Fewest schools
Well, despite the lack of schools, it looks like The City has learned something. 
 

Enfield

Best: Most swearing on Twitter
Worst: Worst food hygiene
It isn't rocket science, people. When you find a hair in your soup, you Tweet the sh*t out of it. 
 

Hackney

Best: Most cyclists
Worst: Most measles
The takeaway seems clear -- if you don't catch a bus, you'll end up catching something else. 
 

Haringey

Best: Biggest Cypriot population 
Worst: Slowest broadband
If you're in Haringey now... congratulations on being able to load this page! 
 

Havering

Best: Most pensioners
Worst: least ethnically diverse
If boroughs could grow limbs and play golf, you can pretty much guarantee Havering would.  
 

Newham

Best: Highest fertility rate
Worst: Most overcrowded homes
Um, surprise, sur-bloody-prise. 
 

Redbridge

Best: Most startups
Worst: Most house repossessions
They can take the house, as long as you keep the garage/business centre. 
 

Tower Hamlets

Best: Most tall buildings planned
Worst: Most arsonists
Er... we have some bad news for the people planning to put those buildings up... 
 

Waltham Forest

Best: Longest-running street market
Worst: Smallest economy
Waltham's attitude has long been, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And now it's broke.

NORTHWEST 

 

Barnet

Best: Most twin towns 
Worst: Most potholes
Learn about foreign towns with better streets! 
 

Brent

Best: Most diversity
Worst: Most failing schools
On the plus side, the schools are failing the maximum possible number of ethnic groups. 
 

Camden

Best: Best primary schools
Worst: Most drug misuse
Learning to count is just a gateway to learning to weigh, divide, and then haggle over. 
 

City of Westminster

Best: Most valuable houses
Worst: Highest crime rate
Both of these stats are skewed by the fact that the Houses of Parliament are located here.
 

Ealing

Best: Longest-running Nando's
Worst: Most people living in sheds
No, this is not a commentary on the size of an average London flat. Aided by exploitative landlords, migrants desperate for a bed will often opt for a literal garden shed. Near to a legacy Nando's. 
 

Hammersmith and Fulham

Best: Most football clubs
Worst: Worst traffic
You think the traffic's bad now? Just wait until game day. 
 

Harrow

Best: Lowest teen pregnancy rate
Worst: Most overcrowded primary schools
Thankfully, it looks like that overcrowding problem should solve itself soon enough! 
 

Hillingdon

Best: Highest car ownership
Worst: Worst obesity rates
Look Hillingdon, we know you love your car, but unless you start walking places occasionally you're going to damage the suspension. 
 

Hounslow

Best: Smallest change in daily population
Worst: Most asbestos fly-tipping
Almost exactly as many people commute out of Hounslow each day as commute into it... apparently, to dump carcinogens. 
 

Islington

Best: Most single people
Worst: Most binge drinking
These two seem to go naturally hand-in-hand (unlike Islington residents). 
 

Kensington and Chelsea

Best: Most affluent
Worst: Most air pollution
The residents are wealthy enough to afford the best of everything, except air. 

SOUTHEAST

 

Bexley

Best: Most commercial river activity 
Worst: Fewest Tube stations
Why would you need a Tube station when you can just catch a boat down the river? 
 

Bromley

Best: Most green space
Worst: Most carbon emissions per capita
Apparently Bromley-ites, complacent in their lush, verdant surroundings, feel fine to pump as much carbon into the air as they please. 
 

Croydon

Best: Most office romances
Worst: Most bicycle theft
Croydon's lesson to the world: after enough sweaty lovemaking sessions by the photocopier, the only way you can feel alive any more is to steal a bike. 
 

Greenwich

Best: Longest riverfront
Worst: Worst school truancy rates
Greenwich also has the "most Prime Meridians," but that one would be sort of cheating.  
 

Lewisham

Best: Most "very small" businesses
Worst: Fewest cinemas
Apparently Lewisham is a centre of enterprise (but not Starship Enterprise). 
 

Southwark

Best: Best roads
Worst: Most power cuts
Why is Two-Face in charge of Southwark's infrastructure??

SOUTHWEST 

 

Kingston upon Thames

Best: Lowest crime rate
Worst: Most expensive council tax
The only people robbing you in Kingston are the council. Better the devil you know! 
 

Lambeth

Best: Most bus lanes
Worst: Highest murder rate
When people in Lambeth say "You could get hit my a bus tomorrow," they mean it sort of optimistically.  
 

Merton

Best: Most-improved GCSE results
Worst: Most litter
Most of that litter is probably Nadal's busted racquets. 
 

Richmond upon Thames

Best: Longest life expectancy
Worst: Most crimes against animals
Punishments ought to be handed down in dog years. 
 

Sutton

Best: Easiest place to sell your house
Worst: Highest rate of HIV
Remember, this does not make it the easiest place to buy a house. 
 

Wandsworth

Best: Cheapest council tax
Worst: Most people leaving
If you had to pay, ugh, low rates of council tax, you'd probably leave too. 

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