13 reasons why the New York Rangers are the absolute worst

National Hockey League
National Hockey League

Tomorrow, the Kings drop the puck on a best-of-seven series with the Rangers that'll put the most hallowed trophy (that grown men eat Cap'n Crunch out of) up for grabs: the Stanley Cup. One of the most interesting subplots will inevitably be the fact that the Rangers are... the absolute worst.

Here're 13 reasons why, so you can adequately troll your "friends" from NYC:

Wikimedia Commons

1. The Rangers' home ice is the world-renowned Madison Square Garden 

A place that Dane Cook has not sold out just ONCE, but TWICE.

Facebook

2. Their fans also like the Yankees

THE YANKEES.

Wikimedia Commons

3. Sean Avery is a tool

The guy has a rule named after him in the Official NHL Rulebook about excessively screening the goalie. The statute was enacted after multiple games between the Rangers and New Jersey Devils, where Avery would wave his stick in the face of Devils' goaltender, Martin Brodeur.

Facebook

4. The Rangers play Coldplay’s "Viva La Vida" after home victories

Coldplay. Kings fan or not, I think we can all agree that we don't want to hear these guys at all this series.

Youtube

5. The Rangers once appeared in a commercial for Sassoon's short-lived jeans line

Just watch it.

Flickr user Anna Enriquez

6. No really, Sean Avery is a huge tool

In 2008, he called out fellow NHLers Dion Phaneuf and Jarret Stoll, who were each dating former beaus of Avery. In an official press conference, he commented, “I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds.”

Wikimedia Commons

7. The Rangers don't have a captain for the Playoffs because they TRADED HIM mid-season

Ryan Callahan was sent to the Tampa Bay Lightning in exchange for veteran miniature-winger Martin St. Louis.

Flickr user Alan Light

8. The last time the Rangers won the Stanley Cup was June 14, 1994

Three days later, Orenthal James Simpson took his infamous (victory???) drive.

Facebook

9. Their fans are terrible human beings

Groups of crass, “working class” fans in the upper deck -- dubbed “The Blueseats” -- have a reputation poor enough to be BANNED FROM ATTENDING NEW JERSEY DEVILS GAMES. Because the Devils' fans are a fan base you immediately associate with class and etiquette.

Facebook

10. New York Rangers owner, James Dolan, plays in a crappy blues band called JD & The Straight Shot

And he forces all potential players and employees to take a copy of their CDs after meetings.

Flickr user Sarah Conners

11. Their goalie? Also a tool.

Henrik Lundqvist has a pattern of spraying water and asking questions later. Lundqvist actually landed himself a $5,000 fine during the Eastern Conference semifinals against the Penguins for spraying Sidney Crosby in the face, the force of the water likely concussing him.

Facebook

12. This bald-headed idiot has been the unofficial mascot of the Rangers since 1988

WTF.

Facebook

13. And the most important reason the Rangers are the worst?

They're not the Kings. GO KINGS, GO!

Richard is a Chicago-based writer and thoroughly deflated Blackhawks fan. Follow him @StatsChicago.