Tomorrow, the Kings drop the puck on a best-of-seven series with the Rangers that'll put the most hallowed trophy (that grown men eat Cap'n Crunch out of) up for grabs: the Stanley Cup. One of the most interesting subplots will inevitably be the fact that the Rangers are... the absolute worst.
Here're 13 reasons why, so you can adequately troll your "friends" from NYC:
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1. The Rangers' home ice is the world-renowned Madison Square Garden
A place that Dane Cook has not sold out just ONCE, but TWICE.
2. Their fans also like the Yankees
3. Sean Avery is a tool
The guy has a rule named after him in the Official NHL Rulebook about excessively screening the goalie. The statute was enacted after multiple games between the Rangers and New Jersey Devils, where Avery would wave his stick in the face of Devils' goaltender, Martin Brodeur.
4. The Rangers play Coldplay’s "Viva La Vida" after home victories
Coldplay. Kings fan or not, I think we can all agree that we don't want to hear these guys at all this series.
In 2008, he called out fellow NHLers Dion Phaneuf and Jarret Stoll, who were each dating former beaus of Avery. In an official press conference, he commented, “I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds.”
7. The Rangers don't have a captain for the Playoffs because they TRADED HIM mid-season
Ryan Callahan was sent to the Tampa Bay Lightning in exchange for veteran miniature-winger Martin St. Louis.
8. The last time the Rangers won the Stanley Cup was June 14, 1994
Three days later, Orenthal James Simpson took his infamous (victory???) drive.
Groups of crass, “working class” fans in the upper deck -- dubbed “The Blueseats” -- have a reputation poor enough to be BANNED FROM ATTENDING NEW JERSEY DEVILS GAMES. Because the Devils' fans are a fan base you immediately associate with class and etiquette.
10. New York Rangers owner, James Dolan, plays in a crappy blues band called JD & The Straight Shot
And he forces all potential players and employees to take a copy of their CDs after meetings.
11. Their goalie? Also a tool.
Henrik Lundqvist has a pattern of spraying water and asking questions later. Lundqvist actually landed himself a $5,000 fine during the Eastern Conference semifinals against the Penguins for spraying Sidney Crosby in the face, the force of the water likely concussing him.
12. This bald-headed idiot has been the unofficial mascot of the Rangers since 1988
13. And the most important reason the Rangers are the worst?