3. The Laker Girls
3a. The Laker Girls auditions.
4. They'll probably have the No. 1 pick
1985, the first-ever NBA Lottery, Patrick Ewing -- already an East Coast icon after pwning everyone at Georgetown -- ends up going to the totally terrible Knicks after some super shadiness. If you watch the YouTube clip of the lottery, you'll see that when the fourth envelope is placed in the giant plastic ball of wonder, it gets slammed against the side of the ball, apparently causing a crease in the envelope. This was the EXACT SAME ENVELOPE David Stern picked to be the No. 1 pick. David Stern is gone, and so are the envelopes, but if you think the Lakers aren't getting the first pick, I've got a Kwame Brown rookie card to sell you.