21 Things You Have to Explain to Out-of-Towners About LA
We've all had visitors who show up here to couch-crash, carless, and -- while you may be laughing at their face while they talk about "just taking public transportation" while they're in town -- it's not really their fault that they have NO IDEA WHAT LA IS REALLY LIKE. Here are some things you should give them a heads-up on:
1. You need a car
There's no usable/convenient public transportation. There're no accessible taxis. And walking? Hahahahahahahahahaha.
2. You can wear flip flops to pretty much anything
Except some of the bars, and all of the nightclubs... unless they're beach-themed nightclubs, in which case, you can wear your sexy flip flops.
3. It's "THE 101", not "101"
There's a good reason for that. And that reason is: you sound stupid when you don't include "THE".
4. Yeah, the weather here sucks in June
It's really cute that all you brought are shorts and t-shirts. But it's going to be 64 and drizzly the entire time you're here. June gloom bro... sorry.
5. Summer's in October. And most of November. And also January-April.
So yeah, you can lose the Patagonia puffy vest. Also: please stop buying Patagonia puffy vests.
6. There are two San Vicentes, and two Rodeos
And you definitely don't want to end up at the other ones. Because you'll be lost!
7. There are also two Bay Cities
The one on Burton Way? Not the right one.
8. Actors don't hang out in Hollywood
And especially not at Hollywood & Highland.
9. The cops actually do give jaywalking tickets
We don't care if "no one waits for the stop sign in NY". You aren't in NY. Also, getting a jaywalking ticket is SUPER embarrassing. Yes, from experience.
10. "Is that... that looks like that guy who was the best friend on that one episode of Dawson's Creek? But it can't be, because he's crushing ice at this bar..."
Yes. Yes it definitely can be.
11. That half-hour, free sitcom taping will actually take 4+ hours
And that means you have to sit through the same joke on "Dads" 14 times. At least.
12. Yes, we have full kitchens and living rooms, and we're not paying a million dollars in rent
Is this the best thing about living in a city that's wide instead of tall? Yeah, it definitely is.
13. It pisses us off when you say that Downtown "feels like a real city"
Mostly because a real city that barely anyone lives in and feels completely closed at 10pm, is not a real city. Also, Los Angeles -- all of it -- is a real city.
14. Don't try to surf for the first time ever on Venice
Or do. It's your life, dude.
15. It's 20mins to everywhere
Except when there's traffic. Then it's an hour.
16. No, there's not an accident up ahead
Or roadwork. Or a big event everyone is trying to get to. It's just 4pm on a Tuesday.
17. Depending on where you're staying, Burbank may be closer than LAX
Also: outdoor baggage claim FTW!
18. You can't take a picture in front of the Hollywood sign
And don't try hopping the fence. No... really. Don't.
19. If someone takes you to a strip mall to eat, they're not punking you
Unless they take you to Trimana. In which case, they're absolutely punking you.
20. Disneyland is NOT in Los Angeles
If you wake up on the morning you're supposed to be there thinking that it is, see you at the Matterhorn at about 3pm.
21. You can stay for the ninth inning of a Dodgers game all you want
See you at home in three hours.
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Jeff Miller is the Senior City Editor of Thrillist LA and yes, he's taken the LA subway... multiple times. You can follow him on twitter at @thrillistla or Instagram at @jeffmillerla.