Because if there're balls and holes involved, you're totally in, check out LA's first-ever Skee Ball League: a weekly, booze-fueled competitive skee-ing fraternity kicking off its inaugural skee-son this week at One Eyed Gypsy in DTLA. And before you're all like, "Dude, is this bar's name a hilarious euphemism for penis?" and also, "How's a Skee Ball League work anyway?", check out the handy dandy FAQ below
So wait, this is real?
Yes. And spectacular
How many people per team?
Teams of three, one of whom has to be a lady. Subs are permitted. Croque-monsieurs are not
What kind of skee ball lanes are we talking here, like are these the old-school ones that don't have the 100-point holes in the corners?
Nope, these are the awesome ones that do have the 100-point holes, plus extra-classy red LED lighting along the sides of each lane
Wow. Ok, well, how many weeks am I going to have to DVR Betty White's Off Their Rockers?
Eight. Games start at 830p and run 'til midnight. You'll play multiple each night, and every game'll last about a half-hour
Wait, seriously, be serious for a second: is this for serious?
OK, how's scoring work?
Um, well, you'll want to take the girl out to a nice dinner, compliment her a bunch, make her laugh, gently brush against her a couple times, then... oh, SKEE BALL scoring. Scoring accounts for both the total for your team in each game and the number of games won. There'll be weekly prizes (free drinks, concert tix, etc), plus a playoff bracket on the final week with more grand prizes for the winningest/losingest teams
Do the machines spit out tickets? Because I could really use, like, a lot of rubber bouncy balls.
Annnd, um, about that booze...
Right. Each week's gonna have tequila drink specials for skee ballers, as well as the promise of cheap sliders and "Carny Food", which's hopefully a euphemism for food that in no way involves carnies.