Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

Hurry! Hurry! Step right up! Step right up! Don't be shy... you there! The one reading the enormously endowed email newsletter! Make your way to the stage, and on to the most dare-deviling, burlesque-befitting, rifle-swallowing, lady-bearding, hyphen-heavy spectacle of your life: the Squidling Bros Circus Sideshow and International Freakshow, a Friday-only cavalcade of carneys in NoHo that'll deftly deliver a dowry of dexterous deeds so dramatic, this entire paragraph needed to be alliterative and in italics! You won't believe your eyes even when you see:

The Raucously Raunchy Ringmasters!: Jelly Boy The Clown and his brother Matterz Squidling the Impenetrable Music Man will tag-team this tantalizingly tawdry traveling extravaganza, and be joined by sideshow sensation Betty Bloomerz, who'll brazenly bare almost-all, ensuring the circus's tent won't be the only one pitched!

The Death Defy-ers!: Prepare yourself for an unequivocal entourage of eccentricity experts who'll cheat the cemetery with sword-swallowing, broken-glass-manipulating, fire art-ing, and sadistic stunting on beds of nails & ladders of machetes, a pair of acts that'll both include little people, and, as such, leave everyone cut up.

The Semi-Naked and Hilarious!: From naughty, nipple-pastied performers, to the punk, old-timey stylings of Maray Squeezebox on the Accordion, strange and comical freakazoids will pique more than just your curiosities by ceremonially shoving nails and condoms up their noses, while tennis rackets, needles, and sharp objects will pass through any and all manner of body parts and orifices…er, orifii… uhhh… distracting italics!