The 20 people you're definitely going to see at Coachella

Whether you're going to the desert for Coachella this weekend, or just found out one second ago that Coachella is this weekend, the same super-predictable people are gonna be there either way. Yes, we're talking about a bunch of hot girls, but more specifically, these 20 people:

The guy who keeps checking the set times
They still haven't changed. Nope, still haven't changed. Yep, still nope.

The person wearing a Native American headdress
You saw all those Indian casinos on the drive in, right? And you still thought this was a good idea?

The guy who can't stop talking about the weather
Yeah, we know. It's the desert. It's hot. Get over it. 

The small-p*nis wizard
NSFW. Also: hilarious.

Probably arresting the small-p*nis wizard.

Lindsay Lohan

The person with the best tattoo you've ever seen
I mean, why wouldn't you get a tattoo of a naked midget holding BBQ tools while talking to an enormous hippo?

The guy who's just there for the food, man
This year, there's finally great local food like Sugarfish, Night & Market, and, uh, a multi-course sit-down dinner. So yeah, someone just paid $250 to not see the bands they already paid $300+ for. Good going.

The dude who's been in the dance tent since 1pm
Please. Stop. Fist-pumping.

The person who didn't pay $300+, but instead just hopped the fence
Please, die.

Jeff Miller

That girl who's gonna be REALLY cold at night
Remember that thing we said about it being super-hot? After the sun goes down, forget it entirely. Also, no, you cannot borrow our sweatshirt.

The couple about to hook-up on the ferris wheel
AKA, any couple in line for the ferris wheel.

The guy just laying there totally asleep in the middle of the day, who you're also inevitably going to trip over
Dude. Go home.

Whoever that a-hole is that just used your Porta Potty
There's no way it was like that when you walked in. You're horrible.

Your friend who refuses to leave VIP
We get it: there's seats and chargers and misters. BUT WE'RE OUTSIDE OF THE GATES! RIGHT HERE! HI! DON'T PRETEND TO NOT SEE US!

Someone on a drug you've never heard of
What's Rexstacy? And do you have any extra?

Kosha Dillz
Seriously, this dude is somehow everywhere.

The back of this guy's head
Can you move to the left just a little bit? Please?

The couple in their 40s who brought their kid
That kid's gonna have a Rexstacy problem in a couple years, for sure.

That really, really tall guy in the front row with the shaggy hair
How does he get up there EVERY TIME?

Jeff Miller has been to every Coachella since 2001 (yes, including second weekends). Follow him to Coachella @jeffmillerla on Instagram and @thrillistla on Twitter.