First things first, there are a few things that you should know about me: I'm fat. I have a bizarre beard. And yesterday, I steamed my asshole.
Sorry if that grosses you out, and double-apologies if you're related to me. But it's true: this fat, hairy asshole was given the royal treatment -- literally. In fact, Tikkun Holistic Spa in Santa Monica, which generously steamed my asshole, claims that the practice goes back 1,000 years to Chinese Royalty, only resurfacing recently thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow, who recently revealed that she uses the services at Tikkun to regularly steam her vagina. Once Paltrow wrote about it, the Internet went nuts: the news spread internationally, with scientists weighing in on whether vaginal steaming was healthy or wise.
I didn't care about any of that. I cared only about what it felt like. And so, accompanied by my girlfriend Claudia (who steamed her own vagina next to me while my asshole was being steamed), we hit Tikkun to find out if it was, as Paltrow claimed, "an energetic release," or whatever. Here's what happened: