Look, LA has a reputation, and it's mostly incorrect: there are tons -- TONS -- of great people in LA, people working to make the city work better, and be better, and be nicer, and be more fun, and be overall just even more
the best city in the country to live in. This story isn't about any of those people though, it's about the people who give LA that mostly incorrect reputation -- yep, the douchebags, and specifically, 47 signs that you're one of them. 1. You never go east of Lincoln
You do know that there's a big city out there, right?
2. You never go west of La Brea
You do know that there's a big city out there,
right? 3. You never go over the hill
*BASHES HEAD AGAINST TABLE*
4. "I'll have my agent call your agent and we'll find a time for lunch"
Model, Influencer & Entrepreneur Lindsey Pelas Reveals Celebrity Pick Up Stories Flickr/Chris Yarzab 5. You merge. Without signaling.
6. You make a left without signaling
7. You do any goddamned thing without signaling Flickr/Matthew D. Britt 8. You have Kings season tickets, but can't name a single player
(And, no, Wayne Gretzky doesn't count.)
9. You claim to be from LA, but were born and raised in Santa Ana
Or anywhere else in Orange County for that matter.
10. You don't pick up after your dog at the dog park
Seriously, how hard is it to bring a couple plastic bags?
11. You bring your kid to bars
Doesn't matter how old or young your kid is. Unless they're, like, 23. Then, you're cool with us.
Flickr/Sam Felder 12. You complain about the Eastside being overtaken with hipsters...
... while sipping a coldbrew at Intelligentsia/eating a veggie meal at Elf/loading into The Satellite/going for a pedal boat ride in Echo Park Lake.
13. You expect your friends to be excited about your new web series
14. You expect your friends to be excited about your improv show
15. You expect your friends to be excited about your pay-to-play "showcase" at The Whisky
16. You expect your friends to be excited about a national ad...
... in which you have a one-second, non-speaking part.
Flickr/InRainbows69 17. Your band leaves fliers on the shelves at Amoeba
You have heard of the Internet, right? Just checking.
18. You're drinking bottle service... at the Viper Room
Or, kinda, anywhere.
19. You've ever said "Do you know who I am?" and meant it
Unless you're David Spade.
Flickr/DodgeChallenger1 20. You're David Spade
21. You're on the list. Like, definitely on the list.
Please, just check one more time.
22. You're the guy checking the list
Seriously, just check it one more time??
Flickr/malkoff 23. You never valet
You've gone around the block six times. Just pay the $5.
24. You only valet
BUT THERE'S A SPACE RIGHT THERE?!?!?!?
Flickr/The Bull Pen 25. You never leave the Sahara Tent
BoatsAndCatsAndBoatsAndCatsAndBoatsAndCats (and ecstasy!)
And, no, not the kind that Jared works for.
27. You still water your lawn every day. In the middle of the afternoon.
You actually might be the worst person in all of Los Angeles.
28. You're writing a 10-page email right now. At a green light.
Or reading this at a green light. Or playing
Candy Crush at a green light. Or... 29. You've never met a waitress you don't hit on, incessantly
Dude, seriously, let it go. She's not interested -- she's half your age.
30. You only date people half your age
31. You take selfies. With your iPad. On the beach.
Three for three!!!
Flickr/Liz West 32. You're on some weird diet that means we can't go to dinner anywhere
Nope, not there. Yeah, no, not there either. At least everything we have at home is gluten-, sugar-, and carb-free...
33. You ask for a ride to LAX. Or from LAX. Or both.
Okay, at this point, you've at least
heard of Uber, right? 34. You're a Lakers fan... unless the Clippers are better. Then you're a Clippers fan.
Also, you bleed Dodger Blue... for a week. In October.
35. You brought a guitar to the party in the Hills
Guess what: you're only gonna help everyone
else get laid. Flickr/Aaron Stroot 36. You're a Scientologist
37. You own a little tiny Chihuahua
Bonus points if A) it barks incessantly, B) you dress it like a baby, and C) your last name is Kardashian.
38. You're excited about the prospects of Entourage 2
39. You use the carpool lane, with no one in the passenger seat
40. You took the last spot in the Trader Joe's lot
Okay, we're rethinking this: YOU are the worst person in all of LA.
41. You've got to leave work early for spin class
42. You teach spin class
43. You have to leave work early to teach spin class
44. Your entire day is based around readings from your "crystals"
45. You won't shut up about how much better NYC is
Yeah? You can leave. Oh, you like the weather? SHUT UP THEN.
Flickr/Joe Crawford 46. You complain about fog in June
... and how hot it is in November. Ugh.
47. You're texting through the whole hike
Or are you just reading this piece?
Jeff Miller is at least eight of these. Figure out which ones at @jeffmillerla on Instagram or @thrillistla on Twitter.