13 Winter Problems You Don't Know Exist if You Live in LA
No matter how crappy the weather gets here (AHHHHHHH!!! DRIZZLE!!!!!), we've definitely got it better than anyone on the East Coast. How much better? SO MUCH BETTER. At least, according to our counterparts at all of Thrillist's weather-iest cities (Chicago, Boston, New York...), who told us about 13 insane winter things they have to deal with that will make your LA brain explode.
Apparently in Chicago and Boston, not only do you have to SHOVEL OUT YOUR PARKING SPOT after a heavy snowfall, but you also have to "dibs" it (by putting chairs, laundry baskets, or whatever in the street to mark the claimed space), not to mention follow an insanely long list of unwritten Dibs rules.
2. Stepping into a slush puddles
And if you wanna get where you're going, you oftentimes have to walk through these street corner combinations of snow/ice/water/salt. What's worse, though, they're all of a mysterious depth. Is it 2in deep? 3ft? Only one way to find out! And now you have typhus.
3. Getting salt stains on EVERYTHING
Yep, salt stains. Take a look at your shoes right now. Their shoes look exactly like those, but with a film of salt on them.
4. Slipping and falling on black ice
Which isn't black, but instead... transparent????
5. Freezing nose hairs
Wait... this doesn't actually happen, does it?
6. Freezing beer
It's like a slush puddle, except made of beer, and you have to drink it.
According to the FDNY, there were well over 1,000 manhole fires in New York in just January 2014. In one month. It's caused by corrosive chemicals eating through the electrical wires underneath, which happens way more in winter than it does any other time of year. No thanks.
Otherwise it may CAVE IN BECAUSE ITS SO HEAVY. Fun-ass times, East Coast. Fun-ass times.
9. Covering all your windows in plastic wrap
Why? 'Cause you don't want a $700 heating bill, THAT's why. (Matt, it looks great. Really.)
10. Freezing car doors and windows
You know how sometimes your car gets really hot in the summer and you have to be careful that you don't touch the metal seatbelt buckle, or the steering wheel, or whatever? Well, none of those things prevent you from GETTING INTO YOUR CAR.
11. Thieving neighbors who will steal your shovel
Seriously, who would do this, other than people who've gone crazy because it's so cold? Oh. Right.
Okay, you probably know about this one from the idiots who burn themselves doing it every year, but still, know what happens when you throw hot water in the air at home? It comes down. And falls. Like it should.
13. Having your water pipes freeze
Yeah, we have no idea what you do either.
Jeff Miller is so glad to be back from his short trip to NYC right now. He's on Instagram at @jeffmillerla and Twitter at @ThrillistLA.