Lifestyle

I Asked 100 LA Girls on Tinder Dates. Here's What Happened.

Published On 03/25/2015 Published On 03/25/2015

98% of the LA girls on Tinder are completely crazy: hordes of them posting their five cleavage-iest pictures with the description, "NOT HERE TO HOOK UP." Which, I guess, makes me crazy-er because I decided to match with ONE HUNDRED of them and ask them where they'd like to go on our first date. Here's what happened:
 

A whole bunch of the girls didn't even respond

I’ve been told that just deleting the Tinder app doesn’t actually delete your account, so that’s what it’s gotta be, right?
 
... right?
 
Bueller?

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

10 girls were actually spam accounts

*Wilder matches with girl who looks like a supermodel*
WILDER: “THIS IS AMAZING THIS IS AMAZING THIS IS AMAZING”
GIRL: “Hey sexy! I’ve got secret pics just for you, xoxoxoxox....”
*Wilder curls into fetal position, cries uncontrollably, falls asleep, wakes up 10hrs later, continues swiping, doesn’t learn his lesson*

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

One girl said "That Italian place in Pasadena"

Pizza Hut it is!

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

One girl said "Vegan food!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA VEGAN FOOD HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

10 girls told me to decide and said nothing at all

You/are/boring/clap/clap/clapclapclap. Just say anything at all. Even, “That Italian place in Pasadena” is better than “lol up 2 u.” Also if you’re above the age of 0 and you can’t be bothered to type the words “to” and “you”, this isn’t gonna work out.

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

One girl suggested we bring a flask to Yogurtland

MARRY ME.

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

One girl said "Hmm I say a place where there people so I dontvget kidnap"

Which is a tovtallvy gvoovvd pvoinvt.

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

One girl suggested Paris, and another the moon

Let's be honest: both are still more likely first-date locations than a vegan place.

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

One girl was a cat

Cool scarf, though.

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

15 girls had pretty medium suggestions, but hey, at least they were suggestions

I can work with "Do you like Thai food?" a lot better than I can work with "tell me about u."

Wilder Shaw/Thrillist

And eight girls had pretty great suggestions

One girl suggested heading to Mexico to find the best street tamales. And another suggested a strip club and actually used the words, “bonding over booty”. Amazing. MARRY ME (after that first Yogurtland Flask girl and I divorce).

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Wilder Shaw is a writer and comedian who, frankly, is very surprised that he even reached 100 matches. Ask him on a date on Twitter at @WilderShaw_ and Instagram at @wildershaw.

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