It's not that this Lakers team sucks. I mean, it does. God, it really does. But here's the thing: lots of LA teams have sucked (see: interim "coach" Magic Johnson in 1993, Cedric WTF Ceballos renting a houseboat in the middle of a season and disappearing for like a week in 1995, and all-time-suck Chucky Atkins and Chris Mihm in the starting lineup in 2004).
This team, though, is a different kind of suck.
The kind of suck usually reserved for mouth breathers and one-light-out high beamers. The kind of suck that means, after 30 years of wearing Nick Van Exel jerseys to bed and doting on Elden Campbell rookie cards, I'm freaking done. I quit you, Los Angeles Lakers, and here's why: