People from SF love to talk crap about LA, especially while sitting at their computer inside their $5,000-a-month, converted dining room "apartment," completely enveloped by A SEA OF FOG AND LONELINESS. Well, two can play this super-dumb game that we will obviously win: here are 11 reasons Los Angeles beats the lined carpenter pants off of San Francisco.
1. Your weather is TERRIBLE
What do they call it when it's really nice and sunny, and then LITERALLY IN 10 SECONDS it's cloudy and rainy and cold and you don't have a sweater or a poncho and you feel like you definitely have pneumonia? Oh, you don't know, 'cause you live in LA? It's called weather in San Francisco, and it is The Worst.
2. We only have one hill
And it is easily driveable, and over it is the Valley, where there are many pools and much pornography.
3. It costs infinity dollars to live there
Know what it costs to live here? Not infinity dollars.
4. Your sports announcers are terrible
Wait, unless you have a Vin Scully, too? Oh you don't? Yeah, so, terrible then.
5. Really though, IT COSTS INFINITY DOLLARS TO LIVE THERE
Remember that Silicon Valley boom that made it cost, like, 4 billion dollars to get 200sqft of space? Didn't happen here. So enjoy having a "living room nook" while, for the same money, we'll enjoy having a, y'know, living room. And a nook. And, like, another living room.
6. Championships for LA teams since 2000: 8
Championships for SF teams since 2000: Hahahahahahahah.
7. You can't actually swim at the beach
Well, maybe you can, if you're wearing a cold-water wet suit and you enjoy losing all the feeling in your extremities after three to five minutes.
8. There's poop in the Tenderloin
Like, human poop.
9. Mark Zuckerberg lives inside of you
10. Your girls...
Ever wonder where every single attractive girl in SF eventually went? We'll give you a hint: it's six hours South in a land of many, many living rooms.
11. It also costs infinity dollars to PARK in SF
Here it's only, like, half an infinity.
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