Unless they're at that 3.5 drink sweet spot, nobody thinks Louisville is perfect. We've got our problems, and we're prepared to take them on. Here, in no particular order, are 99 of 'em...
1. Mitch McConnell 2. Mitch McConnell 3. Mitch McConnell 4. We’re known worldwide for KFC 5. People who still drink bourbon with Coke 6. The West End needs more vegetables 7. The West End Walmart 8. Nasty Benedictines 9. Nasty mint juleps 10. We have a beer called “Hipster Repellent” 11. It’s impossible to go out at night without running into two exes, a family member, and your boss 12. The entire city shuts down for a week in early May 13. People who say they want ear X-tacy to return but don’t shop in our seven other independent record stores 14. The majority of East Enders are afraid to come Downtown 15. People who aren’t willing to go to Southern Indiana (unless it’s to go to Feast or NABC) 16. Not enough good bagels 17. There are too many expensive Italian restaurants and not enough simple, affordable versions
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
18. We have way too many hookah bars 19. We have many more hookah lounges than we have bookstores 20. Drug stores, banks, and Panera have taken over our “cool, independent” area 21. If you move somewhere else, somewhere bigger, you will likely just end up back here eventually 22. Your worth is determined by where you went to high school 23. The waste of potential that is the Lynn’s Paradise Café property 24. What’s happened to Barret Ave’s retail corridor since Lynn’s closed 25. It’s one of the toughest cities for dating 26. Our orchestra went broke for a while there 27. Our museum has been closed for a while now 28. The Zappos outlet store is moving to Nevada 29. Dawne Gee’s health problems 30. Hippies 31. People who still drink PBR 32. Good luck having a fun night out if you don’t drink 33. We get more excited about Slint playing songs from 1991 again than finding new bands 34. People go see their friends open for a national touring band, but only watch their friends play 35. Your friend’s band 36. Concerts everyone goes to without knowing who the band is and don’t watch because they’re too busy socializing 37. Barnstable Brown 38. We treat people like Joey Fatone like huge celebrities at the Derby 39. Larry Birkhead 40. People who comment on Courier-Journal stories 41. Louder Than Life -- we think the worst of the ‘90s is cutting edge 42. Everyone thinks everything was better in 1994 43. Not nearly enough good hip-hop 44. Not nearly enough good standup comedy
45. Our arena is named “KFC Yum! Center” 46. U of L tuition in proportion to our basketball and football coaches’ salaries 47. U of L parking 48. Having to take out-of-town family members to distilleries every time 49. We know more bartenders at farm-to-table restaurants than actual farmers 50. Too few places to eat after 10pm 51. Hardly any good takeout or delivery options 52. Marriage inequality 53. Minimum wage inequality 54. Public transportation 55. Bike lanes that just confuse people and take up entire streets 56. Spaghetti Junction 57. “Kentuckiana” 58. People who still say Old Louisville is going to happen 59. Traffic Downtown and endless construction 60. Bridges, in general 61. Developers want to tear down historic structures and build parking lots 62. Not enough affordable parking Downtown 63. Cutesy names like “SoBro", “SoFo”, and “NuLu” 64. We stole the slogan “Keep Louisville Weird” from three weirder, more original cities who used it first 65. We claim the fleur-de-lis as ours, too 66. The Ebola school teacher 67. 4th Street Live -- everything about it 68. Destin, the only beach in the world 69. People getting scared by “The Louisville Purge” 70. People getting scared by “roving gangs of teenagers” 71. The city installing dozens of cameras after something happens once 72. Beecher Terrace 73. Lots of religion 74. We have a megachurch 75. Gun violence 76. Local news organizations telling women to shut up, or shaming them over harmless photos 77. Our best source of local news is an Onion-esque satirical publication 78. Norton Commons 79. A great leader lost an election because of an attack ad about public art 80. U of L/UK games make neighbors want to kill each other and/or burn each other’s couches 81. We say we want a pro sports team, but not all the many negative and/or expensive aspects of having one 82. We are a heat island, in need of a few million more trees 83. Rubbertown
84. No one knows how to drive in rain 85. No one knows how to drive in even an inch of snow 86. School gets canceled over the threat of possible snow 87. Allergies -- if you didn’t have them before, you will soon 88. It’s one of the most depressed cities in the US 89. The JB Swift plant in Butchertown: its smells and sounds 90. Beargrass Creek’s smells 91. The pear trees that smell like semen in the spring 92. Dixie Dieway 93. Drivers never use their turn signals 94. Driving on Frankfort Ave 95. A serious dearth of free or cheap swimming options in the summer 96. The State Fair 97. The heroin epidemic 98. The fact that horse racing is actually a fairly cruel sport 99. We use lists on the Internet to tell us how to feel about ourselves
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