It’s Thanksgiving time in South Florida, which means there’s a good chance you already live within walking distance of your grandparents and won’t have to spend half your holiday weekend watching the CNN Airport Network and getting asked if you’d like to make it a double for $2 extra (um, YES). But in addition to that, there're a ton of other things living in Miami should make you thankful for... here are 14 of 'em:
Miami time – Because when you’re running 20 minutes late and hit traffic, you still know you’ll be the first person there.
Apathetic sports fans – Did you know that in other cities, people sometimes have to pay more than half of face value for tickets to sporting events that aren't the NBA Finals?
New York – How on EARTH would we ever know what was cool if you all didn’t come down here and tell us your bars, restaurants, pizza places, storage facilities, and dental offices had a “cool, NYC vibe”? Thanks.
Al Golden and Joe Philbin – For finally bringing winning football back to South Florida... in September.
Hialeah – For the increasingly innovative ways its denizens have found to tattoo “305” on their bodies.
Richie Incognito – Who answered the eternal question: “What would Eric Cartman be like if he grew up and got spider webs tattooed on his elbows?”
Dolphins Cheerleaders – For reminding us that not everyone who wears a Dolphins jersey is as terrifying as Richie Incognito.
Ultra – These girls can completely immobilize downtown anytime they want.
The Miami Heat – Because without them, sports-wise we’re Cleveland (Get it? 'Cause we wouldn't have LeBron James either!) but with pro hockey.
Channel 7 – Who else is... um, brave enough to warn us that the dust storm forming in Madagascar is 'destined to LEVEL SOUTH FLORIA!!!'?
Marlins Park – For giving us that world class, retractable-roof facility to
watch baseball games in hold beer fests and video game conventions in.
Geographically-ignorant NBA Analysts – We had no idea South Beach extends all the way to Orlando!
Tolerable hipsters – Trust us, you’ll be a lot less annoyed by the crowd at Wood Tavern after you spend an hour at any bar in Williamsburg.
Alton Road – "You wish you still had my little ‘flooding problem’ to complain about, dontchya bitches…”
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!