If you watch TV or listen to, like, every rapper in history, you’d think Miami was nothing but strip clubs, pool parties, and other stuff to love. But if Miami’s so great, why are you getting weekly Facebook invites to events called "MY LAST NIGHT IN MIAMI”?? The truth is we've got a few problems... but we’re only gonna tell you 99. Feel free to add on in the comments.
1. The mysterious event that apparently left every taxi cab credit card machine inoperative
2. … and every turn signal
3. Alligators like to share your pool
4. Punctuality hasn't become a "thing"
5. Only meeting one person per week who can coherently explain what they do
6. Homeless people in Fendi loafers
7. Anyone who is, was, or plans to be a “promoter”
8. Any girl who’s ever said “I know all the promoters”
9. Driving and talking on the phone? Totally legal.
10. We’ve got, like, one smoke-free bar
11. Anyone who’s ever called in to Power 96
12. Our highest point of elevation is a freeway on-ramp
13. A few people might not speak English