Foam Fest 5K

Remember those college foam parties, where a bunch of chicks in wifebeaters would pile into a roomful of suds, then you touched one's butt and everyone got pink eye? Well, Foam Fest is sorta like that, but with even more foam and booze, plus some theme park-y obstacles and a buttload of mud. The 3.1m obstacle course winds through Amelia Earhart park in Hialeah, meaning one obstacle could very well be dodging an old man selling mangoes. The first half's the dirty part, during which you'll scale an 8ft wall only to fall in a huge mud pit, then crawl under barbed-wire crawl they claim is electric. Boogie woogie woogie woogie. Next up: the foam jobs: a 50-foot slip-n-slide, a 40-foot "Death Drop," and a sudsy labyrinth of giant balls not involving David Bowie in really tight pants. While you stare at that chick Death Dropping in the upper right corner, think about whether you want to run solo or as a team, then revel in the fact that everyone scores a free beer upon finishing, which is hopefully the least foamy thing you encounter all day.

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