10 Reasons Miami is Better off Without LeBron James. Seriously.
In case your cable went out and you’ve missed the 24-hour LeBron-a-thon they’ve been having on ESPN, it seems that Mr. James has become just another transient resident of our fair city. And while most Miamians seem more upset about not getting a good parking space in South Beach this weekend, there are surely some out there who are at least a LITTLE upset. Because we’re all die-hard, lifelong Heat fans, right? Right. So here are 10 reasons to lighten up, and realize Miami’s better off without him.
The era of $5 tickets is back!
Those outside-the-arena ticket scalpers were starting to get a little big for their britches. Over face value??? Where do you think you are, Boston?
Less traffic on Biscayne
That’s 50 less times a year you’ll hit a dead stop on Biscayne and say “Ah, f*** is there a Heat game tonight?”. It will still happen, but it'll be when you forget the monthly Pitbull concerts.
We can finally have a rivalry with the Knicks again
The Heat have been beating up on the Knicks so bad for the last four years that New Yorkers resorted to taking pride in the Jets. And a delusional Jets fan might be the only thing worse than a delusional Gator fan.
Guys will stop using their extra tickets to take girls who don’t watch basketball
Unless they enjoyed using those $125 seats to hear “OK, this is boring. When are we going to Zuma?”.
Justin Bieber will be making fewer trips to Miami
Because TMZ isn’t sending photographers to watch you not pay attention to a 45-win team. They’ve got the Lakers for that.
LIV will have to stop using “LeBron’s here” as an excuse for charging 10 grand for a table
Oh, they'll still charge 10 grand, but “Danny Granger’s” here just doesn’t sound as convincing.
ESPN might finally realize where the Heat play
Is Stephen A. Smith aware the only basketball team that plays in South Beach is at Beach High? Because, for the last time, MIAMI AND SOUTH BEACH ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS.
You can show your Heat pride at a considerable discount
Those #6 jerseys that’ll be on the $10.99 rack at the Dolphin Mall Ross next week mean you can finally replace that “Zo’s Summer Groove 2003” T-shirt as gameday attire.
We’ll only have to watch the Spurs twice a year
Sure, they’re efficient. So is a Prius. And you don’t see NASCAR scrambling to race Priuses, now do you.
We'll get a cool new mural in Midtown
And it looks like somebody already gave Krave a head start.