The definitive guide to Miami's best strip clubs

Published On 10/15/2013 Published On 10/15/2013
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1. Tootsie's Cabaret 150 NW 183rd St., Miami Gardens, FL 33169 (North Miami)

Tootsies is a North Dade superclub with over 300 dancers, non-stop sports on plasma Televisions, delicious bar cuisine, sky boxes and champagne rooms. It's the closest thing you'll get in Miami to a Vegas strip club, with the added bonus of a full liquor bar and full nude, full friction dancing.

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2. King Of Diamonds 17800 State Road 9, Miami, FL 33162

Boasting a roster of up to 100 girls, a dozen super skyboxes(?!), 30+ private vip suites, a shoe shine station, a clothing boutique, a barber shop, tanning beds, full body massages, an auto detailing service, wifi/computers in the bathrooms... oh, and a full food and drink menu, this cavernous spot is the king of strip clubs, at least if you listen to literally all the rappers and are a fan of all the athletes who show up on the regular. Tickets must be purchased from the website.

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3. Playmates Club 3875 Shipping Ave, Miami, FL 33133 (Coral Gables)

Sure this low-ceiling'd, very neon-heavy, spot'll ply you with drinks from it's full bar, or snacks from it's limited menu, but the focus here is on the girls, who you can watch from a table overlooking their small, glass-tiered main stage, or see up close in their recently(-ish) redone, and very private, champagne room.

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4. Club Madonna 1527 Washington Ave, Miami Beach, FL 33139 (Miami Beach)

This oft sued-by-the-actual-Madonna spot, is Miami Beach's only gentleman's club, is BYOB, and is a constant thorn in the side of city government, but that's OK 'cause... well, naked women! Naked women who dance in very purple, pop-art splashed space, where given the lack of drink/food/other entertainment options, you've really got no choice but to watch.

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5. Wonderland 7778 Biscayne Blvd., Miami, FL 33138 (North Miami)

Mixing 1950s burlesque with South Beach bottle service, VIP touches, Wonderland is a clash of old and new that makes for the most relaxing, luxurious strip club environment in Miami. Yes, it's only topless (unless you opt for a private room with one of the dancers, where those sorts of things are, as always, negotiable) but the dancers aren't allowed to hassle you for tips and the food is as good as any restaurant not called Blue Collar.

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6. Take One Cocktail Lounge 333 NE 79 St., Miami, FL 33138 (North Miami)

There’s strip clubs that keep it real, and there’s strip clubs that have a plume of smoke worthy of Trick Daddy’s limousine come out as soon as you open the door. Take One’s the second one where the smell of…let’s say Black and Milds……is so strong that after half an hour inside you’ll be making a B-line for the nearest combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.

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7. Showgirls 19995 S Dixie Hwy, Miami, FL 33157

A Miami strippery with frequent happy hours, a champagne room, and pretty much whatever else you'd expect from SoFla's premier gentleman's club.

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8. Scarlett's Cabaret 2920 SW 30th Ct, Miami, FL 33133

This bottle-service-style strippery in Hollandale is massive (a half-dozen stipper poles; lounge, vip, and bar areas; and a tiered VIP area), boast some pretty massive deals (free happy hour eats from 12-6p, constant drink specials, etc.), and has some... um, massively talented employees, who'll at least make you feel like YOU are.



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