No city is perfect. LA has traffic. Chicago has brutal winters. And Miami? Well, while it does sexy better than anywhere else, it probably has the worst behaved people on the planet. Knowing that fact is a great way to tell a local from a tourist, but it’s also a sad but universal truth. While Miami may never be utopia, if people could all do these 21 things it might make the city just a little bit nicer.
Stop driving like maniacs
Let someone over if they’ve actually got the decency to use a turn signal. And maybe try driving somewhere between 45-90mph on the freeway.
The world will not end if you let someone get out of a parking space. Extend a little common courtesy and you’ll be amazed what gets returned.
7,000 new high-rises. One new Metrorail stop. You do the math.
Stop talking about where you came from
You moved here for a reason, so if the pizza is so amazing back in New York there are 40 nonstop flights a day that will gladly take you there.
Show up on time
Being perpetually late is not a fun little personality quirk. It’s rude, inconsiderate, and is only compounded by your unapologetic shrug followed by, “Hey, I’m on Miami time.”
Stop building condos
Seriously. Enough. No great city was ever judged by its condominiums and shopping malls.
Stop the "hollas"
To put it in perspective, gents: imagine you’re walking around South Beach on Pride weekend and you can't go 5ft without a guy yelling something about your ass, if not grabbing it. Now imagine that’s every day of your life. Have some consideration.
Get an education
If aliens landed on Earth and turned on Y100, Power 96, or any show involving DJ Laz, they’d correctly assume this was the dumbest city in the country.
Follow the rules
Nothing speaks to Miamians’ complete disregard for laws of civility like the run-over signs telling you it’s state law to stop for pedestrians. Except maybe the "10 Items or Less" line at Publix.
The worst problems this city has (overbuilding, worthless public transportation, the Marlins) are ALL due to corrupt local leadership. Right now the only people who vote are the ones who’d elect a bag of Funyuns if it denounced Castro.
You don’t need to show off everything you buy because it was mentioned in a rap song. Act like you’ve been there before. Besides, it’s not your boat, and that car is leased.
Mean what you say
What is it that keeps us from admitting when we can’t do something? "Yeah, yeah, I got you bro," is Miami for "I’m completely full of s*it."
Realize nobody wants to hear your music
Nobody in the history of the world has woken up, looked at the sky, and said, “Today is a perfect to go out to the beach and listen to someone else’s reggae.”
Get out of your cars
We know you spend $399 a month to lease that sweet C-Class, but that doesn’t mean you need to clog up Kendall Dr when you can easily walk the half mile from your house to Publix.
Learn the art of service
Just because you walked away with $300 last night -- and subsequently spent all of it -- doesn’t mean you’re too good to greet a table, refill a water glass, and know even a little bit about what’s on the menu.
Service might be SLIGHTLY better if your server wasn’t out until 7am.
Quiet down your cars
Yes, you’re charming the pants off every lady on West 8th Ave with those speakers that sound like amplified cat belches. Perhaps the only way to get her in your "ride" faster would be an exhaust you can hear from Homestead.
Move out of your parents' house
The longer you live in your high school bedroom, the longer you’re basically a guy in high school.
Spend within your means
Do you NEED to rock $300 sunglasses to be the flyest guy at your parents' complex's pool? No you don’t. And that crippling debt you’re getting in by buying them is the reason you’ll be living at home until you’re dead.
Yeah, it’s not the paradise they make it look like on the Travel Channel, but you still don’t even have a concept of winter clothes, ice scrapers, or 2am closing time.
Good people know that as great as the weather, nightlife, restaurants, and lifestyle in Miami are, ultimately cities are about their people, and until we can start doing some of the things above, the few good people you meet will always be looking to leave.
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