Whoever said Miami doesn't have seasons clearly was... well, wrong. We may not have the usual four of winter, spring, summer, and fall, but we do have our own two: hurricane and tourist. And in case you hadn't noticed the cooler weather/horrendous traffic, we’ve just moved out of the former and into latter. So how do you tell who’s a hardened local and who’ll be heading home on Sunday night? Here’re 21 ways...
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Tourists: Spend four hours on the beach and end up roughly the color of Kool-Aid Locals: Have deep tans and/or weekly basal cell carcinoma treatments
Tourists: Buy bottles in clubs Locals: Know the bartender
Tourists: Speak English Locals: Speak Spanglish
Tourists: Wear shorts when it's 68 degrees Locals: Wear fur-lined winter coats and ski pants when it's 68 degrees
Tourists: Look shocked when their waiter isn’t friendly, prompt, and attentive Locals: Are shocked if they get water within 15 minutes
Tourists: Think all of Miami is “South Beach” Locals: Think all of Miami is another country
Tourists: Buy Heat tickets way ahead of time on StubHub for a steep markup Locals: Show up 15 minutes after tip-off and refuse to give a scalper more than $20
Tourists: Open the windows and enjoy the warm air Locals: Air condition the s**t out of everything
Tourists: Think Miami is full of beautiful people Locals: Think Miami would be a great place, if it weren’t for all the people
Tourists: Are offended by a $12 Bud Light Locals: Get excited for a happy hour with $7 beers
Tourists: Complain about all the bad drivers Locals: Complain about all the bad drivers, while changing lanes without using a turn signal and then stopping in the middle of traffic to ask if you need that dent repaired
Tourists: Wear shirts with LMFAO lyrics Locals: Don’t wear shirts
Tourists: Ask new acquaintances “what do you do?” Locals: Don’t “do” anything. So why would we ask?
Tourists: Comment on how many "Mexicans" there are in Miami Locals: Comment on how hard it is to find decent Mexican food
Tourists: Stop and take pictures of Ferraris, Lambos, and Bentleys Locals: Cut them off in traffic. On purpose.
Tourists: Think people are impressed when they say they’re from New York Locals: Stop listening as soon as they hear “I’m from New York”
Tourists: Wait in line to get into LIV Locals: Walk up to the bouncer, give him a bro hug, and go right in. OR wait in line for awhile 'cause they don't know the bouncer, then say “F**k this let’s go to Ted’s.”. Or just go straight to Ted’s.
Tourists: Spend all day on the beach Locals: Can’t remember the last time they went to the beach
Tourists: Cross the street and expect cars to stop Locals: Speed up when we see people trying to cross the street
Tourists: Take Collins Ave Locals: Take Alton Rd. FINALLY.
Tourists: Spend their vacation trying of think of ways they could move here Locals: Spend their lives trying to find a way out
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