18 Things You Have to Explain to Out-of-Towners About Minneapolis
Sooner or later, someone you know will decide that despite our reputation for not-so-fair-weather, and the fact that our biggest tourist attraction is a place packed with all the same stores they have at home, a visit to the Twin Cities isn't really a bad decision. And they'll be right, but they're still going to have questions, so here's a list of 18 things you have to explain to out-of-towers about MSP.
1. No one is from the “Twin Cities”
Or the suburbs. You’re either from St. Paul or from the vastly hipper part of town: Minneapolis.
2. Everyone knows someone who has seen Prince at Paisley Park
But no one has actually gone there themselves.
3. The Mall of America is near the airport for a reason
Only tourists go there, and no, we don't want to take you shopping.
4. The average low temp in March is 24 degrees
And all month, you'll see guys in cargo shorts celebrating how warm it is.
5. We plug our cars in at night during the winter
Not because they’re electric cars or we’re trying to save the environment, but because otherwise, the battery acid will freeze. That's how cold it gets.
6. We put the cheese inside our burgers
The Juicy Lucy was invented here... and if you pick the 5-8’s over Matt’s, you’re going to start a fight.
7. Tater tots + green beans + condensed soup = hot dish
Fact: it’s only good if your mom made it... or you’re eating one of these.
8. You’ll never know if we don’t like you
But that doesn't mean that we do, or that we won't tell other people what we really think about you... especially if you're from Wisconsin.
9. We might say, “That’s different”
But what we’re thinking is something like, "I don't like that!", or "How can you possibly like that?", or "You're soooo weird for liking/thinking/saying that".
10. Downtown Minneapolis is home to the largest contiguous building
The Skyway system means we never have to experience “side walks" and can always go on a bar crawl, no matter how cold it is outside.
11. It’s not always cold here
But thanks to some serious humidity in the two-and-a-half months it's not, we almost wish it were.
12. Your 4x4 isn't going to cut it
If you visit when it is cold/snowing outside, you better have all-wheel drive, or expect to spend a lot of time ordering in.
13. Those bearded dudes dressed like lumberjacks aren't hipsters
We dress like your friends in Brooklyn/Portland out of necessity.
14. Our craft brew scene is wayyy better than you think
It's not our fault you only get Summit and (maybe) Surly where you're from. Err... well, we are a notoriously passive-aggressive people who don't really like to share, so maybe it is our fault you haven't tried upstarts like Fulton, or 2014 WBC gold medal-winning Steel Toe. Don't worry, we'll fix that.
15. Oh, and our State Fair is better than your State Fair
Deep-fried meatloaf on a stick, liquid nitrogen carmel corn, and mini donut beer. Need we say more?
16. We don't all like Garrison Keillor
So if you visit us out here on the prairie, and want us to be your companion, you better wait 'til you get home to listen to his show.
17. Everyone has a family cabin "up North"
Somehow, even the people that live on the Canadian border. Hosers.
18. We resent you saying that we sound like the characters in Fargo
But do we actually sound like that sometimes? You're darn tootin' we do!
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