Trade shooting paintballs for driving something with wayyy bigger ones, as you burn tank treads parked just south of the Cities and owned by a mega military paraphernalia collector who's recently opened up his collection for private, non-corporate rentals.
After being briefly schooled in basics, safety, and a short history of armored vehicles, a vintage military transport will shuttle you to "Field Command HQ", where you'll get actual driving tips before hopping in with an instructor "riding shotgun", which sounds way less impressive, as you're driving a f**king tank. From there, you'll:
* Get your tank legs by piloting the FV433 Abbott through a wooded course from an open hatch under a 105mm gun barrel that's been "de-milled", so at best it only shoots movies old people like.
* Move on to combat simulation as you navigate the speedier FV432 Armored Personnel Carrier via periscope only, "just like a seasoned tanker in enemy territory" (do not drink a seasoned tanker before doing this).
* Release the bloodlust you've worked up playing with non-functional cannons at their underground shooting range, where
a firearm safety lesson boring crap precedes your chance to test-fire everything from bolt action rifles to gnarly auto and semi-auto sprayers like AKs and Uzis.
Should your machismo still not be satiated, you're like an even burlier Conan the Barbarian, and should throw them additional scratch for the sublime privilege of crushing either one or two cars with a Chieftain Main Battle Tank weighing in at 120000lbs, which'll ensure you do a hell of a lot more than chip paint.