20 Things Only Minnesotans Understand About Winter
Sure, we get a brief respite during Minnesota's glorious summers, but otherwise our winter's are so devastatingly long and intense, that they inevitably lead us to question our own sanity for choosing to live here. But, they've also given us some excellent insights into this terrible season that people elsewhere really just can't ever fully understand...
1. It's perpetually winter, even in the summer
It never really ends, it just hibernates for, like, two consecutive months.
2. The dog crap stays where it is
Even though you can't see it anymore, it is definitely still there, waiting for winter's eventual hibernation.
3. Don't eat the snow. Period.
You think it's safe to eat 'cause it's not yellow? C'mon man, unless it comes from a Snow Cone machine leave it alone.
4. When to use the snow blower
If it's two inches or less the blower's just gonna flatten it out and you'll end up shoveling it anyhow.
5. When to use the shovel
Don't ever shovel while it's still snowing... unless Grandma's coming over and you need to clear the sidewalk, otherwise you're doing is the same job twice.
6. Cross country skiing? No thank you.
Just because we have the snow doesn't mean we have to use it.
7. Some people ice fish
But you can do the same thing in more comfort by sitting on your couch, eating a fish taco and drinking beer.
8. Using snowmobiles for transportation
… it's real.
9. Sledding is better with a tube
And still kicks ass even as an adult… except for that whole walking back up the hill part. That part sucks no matter how old you are.
10. How to fix a snow-covered satellite dish
Fight snow with snow; a well-placed snow ball should have you watching Baywatch reruns again in no time.
11. We, personally, are great at winter driving
It's all the rest of the yahoos out on the roads who are mucking everything up.
12. There are no snow days
A massive fleet of snowplows ready to clear and salt the roads means that even if it snowed 6+ inches from midnight-3am, schools aren’t going to close. You’re lucky if there’s a two hour late-start. Cold days are a different story.
13. Looking at the temperature doesn’t actually tell you how cold it is outside
It might say it’s 12 degrees out, but it’s probably going to feel like -45 with the windchill.
14. A 20-degree day can actually be pretty "nice"
Above 32 degrees? Time for sweatshirts and shorts.
15. Snow emergencies…
Does anyone actually know how these work? When are you suppose to move your car? Which streets are allowing parking tonight? Is it changing before morning? 50 bucks says your car is getting towed no matter what.
16. Getting up 15 minutes early to defrost your car/scrape the windshield
Don’t forget to kick the chunks of snow off the mud flaps! Oh, and sometimes we’ll even go out and start the car with no intention of going anywhere, just to make sure it still works should we actually want to venture out somewhere.
17. Never buy a used car from Minnesota
The salt used on the roads ruins them, just like it ruins every article of outerwear in your closet.
18. You don’t actually have to go outside if you don’t want to
Minneapolis' Skyway means people can get from bar to bar without ever going outside.
19. March is actually the snowiest month of the year
Thought it was almost time for spring? Jokes on you! The snow that falls in March is the reason we still have 6ft snowdrifts in May.
20. That winter's totally worth it
Just kidding. Why do you think we all end up going to Florida and Arizona to die?
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