The 13 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Montreal
Hey, champ! We’re not sure exactly what happened between the French settlers and the opening of third-wave coffee shops, but somewhere along the way, we figured out what should NOT be done in Montreal. You’ve been warned.
1. Going out because you really want to dance
This city, weirdly, has no dancing bars -- at least not for anyone not over 23 years old. Unless you feel like going to a club or concert, stay home. A kitchen floor is your best bet.
2. Getting that late-night $2 chow mein on The Main
Congratulations, you now have diarrhea.
3. Going to Mile End because it’s the artsy, hipster 'hood
At least half of the hipster bohos you’ll spot are actually just hobos. But hey, it’s a fine line.
4. Thinking that tipping is a cute, optional, local custom
No, service wasn’t “included in your bill.”
5. Thinking you can just find a seat at a coffee shop
Is it mid-term period? End-of-semester season? Study time? Half the city is permanently “studying,” while the other half is working from "home" (also known as "coffee shops").
6. Lounging in a park during a nice summer day, thinking you can relax
That’s exactly what the jugglers on unicycles, tight-rope walkers, hula hoopers, awfully loud guitar players, and people who play sports that involve objects that could hit you in the face at any moment will not let you do.
7. Thinking that cyclists will politely wait for their turn to cross the street
Nope, never happens.
8. Thinking that cars will politely wait for their turn to cross the street
Nope, never happens.
9. Thinking that pedestrians will politely wait for their turn to cross the street
Nope, never happens. See a pattern forming?
10. Bringing up language politics and/or the Quebec independence question
Sober, that is.
11. Not factoring in the wind chill
Sure, the mercury may read a balmy -30, but the real temperature is a shade below that...
12. Coming here thinking we are a “little piece of Europe”
Hey, we’ve been to Europe too. This isn't it.
13. Moving here to get a job
Hey, at least rent is cheap!