Don’t be these 15 Montreal tourists

Montreal tourists
Katherine Sehl
Katherine Sehl

Montreal sees tourists numbering approximately twice the population of planet Earth coming through it each year -- and most of them are pretty cool. The rest of them tend to fall into these categories:

1. The person who can’t get over the “eh” and “aboot” thing
No one actually says “aboot”, so try not to be a total a-hole about it, eh?

2. The dude who jokes about us living in igloos, having pet beavers named Joe, riding antlered moose to work, etc.
We freaking wish those things were true, and it stings every time someone reminds us they aren’t.

3. The Debbie Downer who tells us our mountain isn’t a mountain
It's just hurtful, man.

4. The obnoxious non-Leafs fan
We’re not saying these people are mostly Bruins fans, but... they’re mostly Bruins fans.

5. The fool who thinks speaking English slower and louder makes them more comprehensible...
Make that: reprehensible. REP-RE-HEN- SI -BLE.

6. The person who doesn’t understand what “bilingual” means
Seriously, everyone speaks English. This isn't some trick. You'll get along just fine without a phrasebook. 

7. The dimwit who thinks they’re cute for saying: “merci buckets”
Aww... you think you're being clever, don't you? That's adorable. 

Horse-drawn carriage
Wikimedia Commons

8. The sucker who pays money for a calèche ride in Old Montreal
Joke's on you! We have horse-less carriages now!

9. The Grand Prix D-BAG
A particular specimen of person who maintains the morning ritual of dunking their hair into cryogenic hardening hair gel and showering in overpriced cologne, overuses the word “muscle”, treats cars better than people, and thinks that Montreal consists of Crescent St, strip bars, and their luxury hotel.

10.That person who stands on the left side of the escalator
Nothing screams “outsider!” like doing this.

11. The person who settles for a mediocre tourist-trap poutine
There’s this thing called the Internet. Use it.

12. The under-21 beer tourist
Stop justifying America’s absurd drinking laws with your drunken behavior!

13. The “funny money” person
The coins have hilarious names. The bills are plastic, and multi-colored. We get it.

14. “Where are all the mounties?” guy
If you want to see the real deal, go commit a crime in another province.

15. The actual French person...
... who somehow expects preferential treatment.