The 20 Nashville Commandments
And lo, it was on decided on a smoky mountain at the heavenly table of Andrew Jackson while he shared a bottle of Jack Daniel's with Daniel Boone that he parted the mighty, murky Cumberland and rested his axe on Broadway and cried, “Hark -- here are thy Commandments of Nashville. Now go forth, and may thee always play good music and drink even better whiskey.” (*history subject to interpretation.)
1. Holler and Swaller
2. Go to church whenever thy can
And by church, we mean The Ryman.
3. Speak highly of Lower Broad to tourists
Even if they ask to go where the locals go. Everyone should experience it at least once.
4. Reconnect with thy friend that has a boat come May
He shalt not act surprised, one bit.
5. Covet thy neighbor’s favorite meat & three
The obvious choice can be Arnold's, but many locals can open your world to spots like Sylvan Park Restaurant or Barbara’s Home Cookin'.
6. Tip thy bartender well
It’s not cheap to produce EPs.
7. Wave to thy neighborhood Contributor vendor
Especially when you never have cash. At least you can share a moment during the day and if it’s The Contributor Casanova, maybe even love.
8. Drink local
From whiskey to beer, we have some excellent, boozy exports.
9. Booze cruise down the Harpeth come summertime
Kayak, canoe, inner tube, life vest diaper, if it floats, it works.
10. Bless thee heart...
... of all those you pity, those you despise, and those you generally look down upon.
Thou Shalt Not...
1. Wear laminates recreationally
No one believes you “forgot” to take off the chest-sized sticker or giant lanyard around your neck. The show was yesterday.
2. Be annoyed by “It City" status
Nashville is getting some attention for what we have known for years, being awesome. Get over it. If you’re running out of things to complain about, here are 99 suggestions...
3. Be surprised by, or accept insanely rising real estate prices
How much?? For where?!
4. Let curiosity drag thee into Menages or TSC
Some things cannot be unseen.
5. Drink and drive
No excuses. We barked and finally got Uber and Lyft to come to town, so take advantage.
6. Feel guilty if the only time thou went to a Sounds game was for Thirsty Thursdays
Back when it was dollar beer and brats, now that’s a favorite pastime.
7. Bother celebrities
They like living here for tons of reasons, but especially so they can shop for artisanal quinoa at Whole Foods in peace.
8. Practice thine guitar Downtown and expect money in return
A tough crowd you chose in a city full of professionals.
9. Go above mild on thine first hot chicken encounter
Unless thou art an idiot.
10. Take a side in the Winners vs. Losers debate
You’re both wrong.
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