The 21 worst decisions you can make in Nashville
Just like that time you decided to wear skinny jeans to Thanksgiving, or decided to give nude karaoke a try, or basically every time you ate Taco Bell at 4am, bad decisions happen to us all. Here’s to hoping that we can at least save you from making these bad decisions in Nashville...
1. Dating someone who lives Downtown
How long can you stand parking five blocks away to see their place? Or request meeting at the Demonbreun parking lot? Oh wait, that’s also a high rise now...
2. Going to a home game of Predators vs. Blackhawks
They will come for blood, and your mother-in-law.
3. Trusting the deadbeat Dad you never had, otherwise known as Comcast
He will just be late, cost you money, and drink all of your bottled water.
4. Ending up in Printer's Alley at last call
How did you get here?! And other bad bar decisions...
5. Telling tourists we have a super-hot mayor
You're thinking of the guy who plays him on TV again...
6. Not ordering everything off the Athens Restaurant menu at 2am
It will be the best decision you made all night.
7. Writing an inspirational song about your time on Lower Broad
Aldean, Keith... all renditions of what should be titled "Death, Lube, and Cool Water".
8. Showing up to work without your leather apron
Arg!! How in the hell are you gonna craft that almond milk latte now? At least they were conscientious enough to use recycled animal skin.
9. Driving anywhere near a church at noon on Sunday
Unless you are actually attending that church instead looking for two-for-one deals. In that case, good for you.
10. Accepting a LinkedIn request from "Songwriter at Self"
11. Opening a tab at Tootsie's
There’s a reason some of those girls retire there.
12. Getting the late-night half-pound dog on Lower Broad
Have some self respect and go to Taco Bell like everyone else...
13. Pulling out your cell to GPS/give directions to the out-of-town Lyft/Uber driver
It’s a matter of principle; you’re paying them to get you there.
14. Taking any roundabout
The Tennessee driver's test doesn't require applicants to parallel park, let alone navigate a silly circle without causing a traffic jam. Take heed and choose an alternate route.
15. Catfish someone as a famous musician
Or do. Anyone who believes they’re dating Alison Krauss online completely deserves it.
16. Letting your relatives talk you into going to Opryland at Christmas time
Or literally any time.
17. Get on Santa’s (Pub) naughty list
Do not tackle him, sing bad country, or ask for anything other than a Miller High Life.
18. Riding the mechanical bull at any honky tonk
Just imagine yourself as a split-screen #nailedit photo going viral tomorrow.
19. Accidentally getting on 440 at 4pm
Or 3pm or 5pm or 7am or 8am and so it goes.
20. Going to Nashville Shores
Unless you have on five bathing suits and plug all orifices at once.
21. Going as the guy who had sex with an ATM and picnic table in one night for Halloween and expecting to take someone home
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