10 Lies You Believe About Swingers
Swinging has always had kind of a gross connotation to it, right? Like, you see that old couple in the corner on the dance floor talking to a young woman, and you’re all, “Ewww, they’re swingers.” As if swinging is barely a step above dealing crack or becoming a Scientologist.
But that perception, like any prejudice, is probably the result of having never actually swung yourself. And admit it, you’re curious, aren’t you? No? Come on, the idea of sharing a new sexual experience with your partner is enticing to both men and women, and there’s a part of you that wants to see what it’s like, right? Still no? Gotcha.
Well, if you change your mind... we talked to a handful of "experts" -- including Nathan Bliss, who runs a popular South Florida party for couples and bi-curious women, and some longtime regulars at the #1 swingers club in Florida, Miami Velvet -- in a bold attempt to demystify the world of (non-dance) wife swapping. And what'd we learn? Well, that a lot of what we thought we knew about swingers is totally bogus.
They’re old and creepy
This might be the case if you go to a swingers club in, say, any city on the Gulf Coast of Florida, but swingers by and large reflect the demographic of the city they live in. Most swingers are affluent, middle-to-upper-middle class people who have high-earning professions and look like, well, whatever people in your city look like. They are NOT wrinkled old men with gold chains and silicon-heavy trophy wives.
Swingers are all wife swappers
Every couple defines their own rules. So, yes, some are “full swap” couples where each partner has sex with either the man or woman from another couple. Some couples are only okay with kissing other people; some allow second base; some third. But unlike awkward high school hookups, swingers actually pre-determine how far they’re willing to go before an encounter starts. So questions like, “Are you full swap or soft swap (the term for couples who won’t go “all the way”) are completely normal.
No single women swing
Wrong. There are, believe it or not, single women who go to swingers clubs -- they are affectionately known as “unicorns” in the swinger community. But unlike the mythical horned white horses, they actually exist. Many are there to play with couples, some are looking for other women, and some just want to have anonymous sex in an environment where they won’t be judged.
They’re having reckless sex with everybody
Swingers are, by and large, far more vigilant about safe sex than non-swingers. First, all swingers clubs and swingers parties are stocked with a ton of free condoms for attendees to use. Second, because swinging is a recreational activity for most couples, and they don’t want to risk losing that fun because somebody got herpes, they tend to be more cautious. And third, who really wants to go on the Maury Show with a bunch of other swingers to find out which dude is little Nevaeh’s father?
Swinging will ruin your relationship
It will, if your relationship is already in trouble. Kind of like how alcohol magnifies whatever mood you're in, swinging can magnify the current state (good or bad) of your relationship. If you’re having problems and try swinging to fix them, you'll only make things worse.
Every swingers club is a big orgy
You don’t just show up to a swingers party, throw on a robe, and do whoever you want. Nor can you show up to a swingers club, sit at the bar, and expect people to just grab you and your partner for recreational sex. No, you actually have to be, like, charming and conversational to get people to sleep with you. Couples who swing actually talk to other couples who swing, and get to know them a little before doing the business. You may recognize this concept from... EVERY OTHER BAR ON EARTH.
Women are dragged along by their husbands
Swingers clubs -- and parties -- are a woman’s world. It’s almost exclusively the women who give the green light for an encounter to happen, and it's the women who receive far more of the attention. It is a sexually liberating environment for women, and if one partner has a negative experience, it’s typically the man. Mostly because his partner was able to experience something he couldn’t.
Swingers are perverts
It’s actually quite the opposite. One former regular at Miami Velvet told us that in four years there, she was not groped, catcalled, or at all disrespected by a guest once. Contrastingly, on any given night in a South Beach club, she'd be groped more times than she could count.
There aren’t any bi-curious men
While the girl-on-girl action is far more out in the open at swingers events, that doesn’t mean men don’t go to experiment too. Which is not to say you’re going to get your junk grabbed by another guy if you go to a swingers club -- nearly all male bi-curiosity happens behind closed doors -- but it’s still a judgment-free zone; if it’s something you want to try, there will probably be people there to try it with you.
Swingers are in open relationships
Swinging is a shared event where both partners get to experience someone else together. Even if it’s not in the same room, it’s still something they do together. Most swingers would actually NOT be okay with an open relationship, and some couples have a rule that neither of them can hook up with a single person while at a club. Again, every couple has their own rules, but many keep their relationship monogamous when not swinging.
And now that you're up to speed on swingers, here is everything you need to know about swingers resorts.
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