Some of these things are annoying. Some of them are so annoying they can tank the entire mood of the night and make everyone start thinking maybe it's time to get married so they don't have to endure things like this anymore. If you want everyone to have a great, possibly even fantastic night, don't: Under-tip the bartender based on your totally original philosophy that bartenders don’t do anything And yet you’ll unquestioningly hand over 20% to any waiter who manages to deliver you a Cobb salad with the vinaigrette on the side? Now the bartender hates you and everyone you're with. Wear sandals when there's a good chance you'll end up at a place that frowns on sandals "I need to go home and change my shoes" is the dumbest thing any man has ever said. Wear sandals, ever This isn't Club Med, Julian. Screw around on your significant other in front of people who know your significant other Unless everybody hates your significant other, in which case keep groping that strange buttock. Whip out your Black Card so everybody knows you have a Black Card Black cards are totally appropriate if you're buying the entire bar. Otherwise, keep it in your Bonobos. Press your junk against your buddy's knee when it's crowded and you're squeezing past his barstool Knees are easy to avoid. Memories are difficult to erase. Announce that you're leaving the bar to get something to eat and then when your friends say "They have food here" tell them "I want a real meal" Go tell a starving kid in the part of China that still isn’t richer than America that the Buffalo'dilla isn’t a real meal. After you explain that a Buffalo'dilla is a Buffalo chicken quesadilla, that kid is going to be pissed. Decline a shot of whiskey, vodka, or some other hard liquor because you "had a bad experience" with it back in 2002 We’re all adults. At this point, we’ve had a bad experience with everything. Tell the guy buying shots that you're happy to take a shot of something else Do you actually want him to have to ask the bartender, "Hey, can you make that five whiskeys and a Lemon Drop?" Force everyone to go to a bar that’s playing the Georgetown-Notre Dame basketball game NOBODY CARES.