The world didn't end... and now you're in trouble

1. I quit!2. No need to erase my search history now3. $25 on the Jets4. I always wanted a tribal armband5. I don't care if it's not my baby6. Yeah, I've got a masters... in experimentation. College!7. I voted for Gary Johnson8. Everybody get down on the floor, nice and easy9. Yes10. No11. One P'ZONE®, please12. Sounds enlightening, but why is it called an "auditing"?13. Just let Geraldo talk14. So what happens in The Crying Game?15. My other family is probably freaking out right now16. I love you17. I don't love you18. I love you, but I'm not in love with you19. I am incapable of love20. I'm actually on Team Jacob21. I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines22. The dog didn't run away...23. One of these Steve Carrell movies is probably funny...24. I'm scared. 25. Hey Seagal, you're so fat you couldn't even beat up Michael Caine!26. Santa Claus wasn't coming anyways27. I've always wanted to bang your wife28. I've always regretted banging your wife29. Realistically, my Spawn comics are actually only in near mint30. If we make it through this alive, I'll read The Fountainhead for you31. Yeah, I know what HPV stands for: Hamburger...Pelper...Virus? F*@#!32. Why did I smoke light cigarettes?33. The Wire was overrated34. I actually prefer cats35. I actually prefer Zunes36. One time when you were asleep…37. You know what, I am dissatisfied with my long distance carrier38. America's No. 2!39. M. Night Shamalan's movies only got better40. What's a lemonparty?41. I can't afford not to buy a timeshare42. Ask Jeeves is better than Google43. What could go wrong?44. I can totally pull off cowboy boots45. Your off-Broadway play was terrible46. Carrot Top was the voice of my generation.47. No, Chris, I didn't plan on enjoying these Zimas by myself48. WHAAZZZUUUUPPPP!49. I'm actually the evil twin50. I do