The world didn't end... and now you're in trouble

Published On 12/20/2012 Published On 12/20/2012

1. I quit! 2. No need to erase my search history now 3. $25 on the Jets 4. I always wanted a tribal armband 5. I don't care if it's not my baby 6. Yeah, I've got a masters... in experimentation. College! 7. I voted for Gary Johnson 8. Everybody get down on the floor, nice and easy 9. Yes 10. No 11. One P'ZONE®, please 12. Sounds enlightening, but why is it called an "auditing"? 13. Just let Geraldo talk 14. So what happens in The Crying Game? 15. My other family is probably freaking out right now 16. I love you 17. I don't love you 18. I love you, but I'm not in love with you 19. I am incapable of love 20. I'm actually on Team Jacob 21. I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines 22. The dog didn't run away... 23. One of these Steve Carrell movies is probably funny... 24. I'm scared. 25. Hey Seagal, you're so fat you couldn't even beat up Michael Caine! 26. Santa Claus wasn't coming anyways 27. I've always wanted to bang your wife 28. I've always regretted banging your wife 29. Realistically, my Spawn comics are actually only in near mint 30. If we make it through this alive, I'll read The Fountainhead for you 31. Yeah, I know what HPV stands for: Hamburger...Pelper...Virus? F*@#! 32. Why did I smoke light cigarettes? 33. The Wire was overrated 34. I actually prefer cats 35. I actually prefer Zunes 36. One time when you were asleep… 37. You know what, I am dissatisfied with my long distance carrier 38. America's No. 2! 39. M. Night Shamalan's movies only got better 40. What's a lemonparty? 41. I can't afford not to buy a timeshare 42. Ask Jeeves is better than Google 43. What could go wrong? 44. I can totally pull off cowboy boots 45. Your off-Broadway play was terrible 46. Carrot Top was the voice of my generation. 47. No, Chris, I didn't plan on enjoying these Zimas by myself 48. WHAAZZZUUUUPPPP! 49. I'm actually the evil twin 50. I do



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