9 Wild Stories From Miami's Plastic Surgeons
Remember that episode of The Twilight Zone where in order to appear “perfect” like everyone else, a teenage girl has to pick one of five "looks" and undergo plastic surgery? Well, we’re about 10 years away from that happening in real life. Actually, in America’s capital of collagen, South Florida, we may already be there -- at least when it comes to breasts and backsides. They're crazy down there.
And working off the assumption that if you combine a crazy profession like plastic surgery with a crazy place like Miami, you are bound to get some downright surreal stories, we asked Dr. Michael Salzhauer (aka Dr. Miami) and Dr. Onelio Garcia of Allure Miami for a few of their best. And they didn't disappoint. From death threats and FBI stings, to shrinking heads and butts made out of cement, here are nine of the wildest tales from the world of tummy tucks, Botox, and boob jobs.
Turns out people will inject anything into their asses
South Florida seems to be the capital of people getting bizarre stuff injected into their butts to make them bigger. The worst I saw was a patient who had someone inflate her ass with a can of Fix-A-Flat -- yeah, the stuff you keep in the trunk for fixing flat tires! Not flat asses. I’ve seen people try liquid cement too, and it’s really gross; the skin gets necrotic, discolored, and misshapen. And the butt feels like, well, it feels like someone injected concrete into it. I feel bad for those women.
Who says liposuction isn't art?
I had a guy about two years ago come in for some lipo, but he requested that instead of sending the fat to biohazard waste, he wanted me to give it back to him. I said, “Hey bro, this isn’t Fight Club, you know,” but he said he was an artist and this was for his masters thesis or something. Basically, he took the fat we removed from his body, made soap out of it, and then videotaped himself washing his body with the soap. I think the bars sold for about $1,500 each.
Never leave scar tissue on a drug lord's face
We had a doctor do a mole removal for a woman high up in the drug trade. She had some issues after the procedure -- some scar tissue on her face -- and kept coming back to demand that he fix it. But he couldn’t, and it became so confrontational that eventually he asked her to stop returning. Then one weekend, he was in a building in another part of town when a car pulled up and, machine guns ablazing, shot out all the windows on the ground floor. When he returned to the office on Monday, a good portion of his staff quit. Within two years, he was out of practice.
Yes, butt implants for both my girlfriend AND my wife
This guy came in with his girlfriend to get butt implants. The surgery goes well, and the next week he returns with another woman who’s a little older, and requests the same surgery for her. As we’re doing the consult, he looks me stone-cold straight in the face and says: “Yes, my WIFE here would like to get this procedure. My WIFE. I’ve heard you’re very good.” Sadly, this has actually happened more than once.
These two FBI agents will be assisting with your surgery
A mother-daughter duo who was apparently wanted for identity theft comes in for surgery. No sooner did we process their credit cards then we got a call from the FBI about setting up a sting. We went along with it, scheduled the women's blood work, and when they got here they were greeted by federal agents in the examining room.
No, psychiatrists shrink heads -- not us
One guy actually asked me to make his head smaller. I tried insulting him, but he meant literally shrinking his skull. I don’t think he found anyone to do that.
Grandma dances naked, politely asks to be filmed
Before surgery we take pre-op photos. Typically we have patients stand on a stool, and we put some music on in the background. One older woman completely disrobed, got up on the stool, and apparently feeling the beat of the music just started dancing. When my assistant began taking pictures she asked, “Hey, do you have video on that? Get this on video,” before proceeding to do a whole naked dance. I really hope that’s up somewhere on the Internet.
Gangsters with guns always get a refund
A doctor I worked with did a surgery for a guy who was very “connected,” if you know what I mean; it was breast implants for his girlfriend. The only problem, the guy didn’t care for the final product and came back to voice his displeasure. And by “voice his displeasure,” I mean demand the doctor remove said implants under the threat of death.
And sometimes plastic surgeons actually save people's legs
One of the guys working for the Water & Sewer Department was digging a trench when a chunk of sidewalk broke off and cut through his legs. He had open wounds and was pinned in sewer water -- so basically, he had an instant infection. He was also in shock. After they got him out with a crane, the orthopedic surgeon determined that the water and bacteria in his veins had done too much damage and he couldn’t reconstruct the legs. They'd have to amputate.
The guy refused and demanded a plastic surgeon, even signing a waiver saying that if the procedure killed him we couldn't be held liable. So we did a microvascular transfer in one leg, which took 13 hours. Two days later, we did the other leg. The following week -- he started rehab. A year later, he was back at work at Water & Sewer. I still get a Christmas card from that guy every year.
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