A Woman's Guide to Strip Clubs
Ahhh, strip clubs... long a bastion of bachelor parties and lonely dudes. They're an American tradition as great as baseball and the Fourth of July. But if you haven't looked around the tip rail recently (or since you started dating that nice girl from the alumni booze cruise), you might be surprised to find they're fast becoming a popular attraction for women.
And while there's plenty of advice out there for how a guy should behave in the club, there's not a lot written for the ladies. Maybe you’re curious about what it’s like on the inside. Perhaps you mentioned to your boyfriend that you have a huge girl-crush on Blake Lively, and now he won’t shut up about bringing you along. Or, could be you just want to the know the proper protocol for getting a girl-on-girl lap dance? So. Many. Questions.
Well, to help answer them, we consulted our in-house strip club expert before heading over to Scarlett’s Cabaret in Hallandale, FL -- one of the top 21 strip clubs in the country -- for a firsthand look around. In the end, we came up with this guide -- everything you, as a woman, need to know about hitting the strip club.
Will the strippers be mad that I’m there?
As long as you aren’t screaming like Kim Richards, of course not. Just be sure you aren’t stopping others from tipping the dancers, or trying to steal their attention, and you’ll be golden. And let’s be real: dancing in front of a group of women is a breath of fresh air from the guys who keep trying to get “something special.”
How do I get a stripper to dance for me?
Well, if you’re Paris Hilton, you probably just drop a stack of money in front of you. But since you’re NOT Paris... you could tell her how beautiful she looked as she slid down the pole to "Trap Queen." Or... you could just ask politely.
Can I take pictures with the dancers?
Simple rule: ask before you selfie. In many states, it's a misdemeanor to take a pic with a stripper in any state of undress, so unless you’d like a local corrections officer taking YOUR picture, leave the phone in your bag. Not only that, but it's almost always against club rules. You're better off sticking to a tasteful check-in photo next to the flashing neon sign out front.
What if I want the stripper to leave, but don't want to hurt her feelings?
Take the same approach as you would with a waiter and say, “Thank you for coming over, I think we’ll just watch now.” She won't take it personally; the money is the motive. But that also means if your boyfriend’s still paying, she’s still staying. So tell Chad to cool it on the tips.
How much should I drink?
Enough to where you’re having a good time, but not to the point where you’re hysterically crying about a breakup from five years ago. Strippers, or anyone in the service industry for that matter, don’t like sloppy customers, male or female. It’s cool to knock back a few martinis to build some liquid courage, but if you overdo it, you run the risk of getting kicked out. Or having everyone hate you.
Should I talk to the strippers? And what do we even talk about, anyway?
Of course, you can talk to them... strippers are people too! And since she’s been lying about her name and life story all night, she wouldn’t mind a little light-hearted Kardashian gossip. Or perhaps an in-depth discussion on the underlying themes of Anna Karenina. Just avoid dumb topics like “Do you have any kids?” or “What do your parents think about this?” And if all else fails, there's no better source of information about the best brands of bronzing lotion and body glitter than a professional dancer.
What do I do if the dancer starts touching me?
You should embrace it -- after all, you’re not paying Bambi $20 for an intellectual conversation about Tolstoy. Unless, of course, you couldn't think of anything to talk about earlier and brought up Anna Karenina. But no, if you’re really not into it, show the stripper with your body language (for example, by pulling away). Or use your words and just say you're not comfortable. Otherwise, she’ll keep touching while you keep having a Britney-sized meltdown on the inside. Remember, she’s a stripper, not a psychic.
What can I do with the stripper? Is it different from what a guy can do?
Legally, no, but typically yes, since strippers are way more comfortable around females. If you’re unsure, ask her. The worst that could happen is that you’ll have a better understanding of the rules... and she’ll have a fun story to tell when she gets back to the locker room.
Do girls tip, too?
Hell yeah, they tip! These women don’t dance for free, so don’t be scared to tuck that single in her G-string. Or better yet, get creative with it. Wedge it between your cleavage and let the stripper bite it out, or hold one end between your teeth and let her come get it with her mouth. The more attention you can put on a stripper, the more she’ll get paid, and in return, the more she’ll love you.
Is it weird for a woman to get a lap dance?
To you, maybe. To the stripper, not at all. In fact, it’s the easiest money she’ll make all night. As long as you sit, smile, and keep your hands off her panties, the stripper will be more than happy to dance for you. But ladies, please wear underwear. Nobody, not even the stripper, wants that surprise.
What is a "couple's lap dance"?
Pretty much what it sounds like: it’s when you and your BF get a dance at the same time from the same stripper. Here's the deal, though, it costs twice as much -- what, you thought this was Costco and you saved in bulk? She’ll typically give you the most attention to avoid any issues of jealousy, but if you wanna try and match her sexuality, feel free to help out and put HER hands on YOUR man. It’ll show him that you’re a fun girl and down for anything. And, well, guys are into that.
What if my boyfriend is getting too much attention?
Relax, it’s the stripper's job to give him attention, and to get paid for it. Not to induce a psychotic episode from the customer’s girlfriend about why he never smiles like that when you look at him. At the end of the night, he’ll be going home with you, not her. If you really want her to go away and leave your boy alone, again, stop paying her. You’ll be shocked how fast she dips.
Is my boyfriend going to leave me for a stripper?
Here’s the truth: strippers don’t want your man, they want your man's money. They probably have boyfriends drinking alone at the corner bar waiting for their shifts to end, so the last thing they’ll wanna do is follow your boyfriend home after a long night of dancing. But honestly, if he leaves you at a strip club, he was probably gonna leave you anyway.
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