You can make mundane bedroom antics the filthiest stories imaginable in the right context. So here's the context: Zach Braff is the speaker, and his audience is a bunch of college buddies who see his wife as their den mother. But seriously, Zach Braff saying "rock hard" would've been enough.
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Kristin Hunt is a freelance writer for Thrillist, and could probably sing every word of "Girl, You Don't Need Makeup" on the spot. Follow her for metaphors about your face at @kristin_hunt.