25 Essential Aziz Ansari Quotes to Help You Live Your Best Life

aziz ansari master of none
Master of None | Netflix
Master of None | Netflix

Aziz Ansari is an old soul in a young body. Over the course of an almost 14-year career, punctuated by Parks & RecreationMaster of None, his book Modern Romance, and a handful of recent New York Times pieces, Ansari, 33, has shown us he's not just an observational comic -- he's also an adept sociologist, sage, and cultural critic.

Whether as Dev, Tom Haverford, or himself, Ansari has used his work to give fans countless life hacks and guideposts. Some deal with food, some with family. Others tackle diversity, congeniality, and feminism. Read on for some of his and his characters' best interview quotes (note: for better or worse, Raaaaaaaandy's weren't included).

On dating:

"What you really want is someone you can hang around with on a Sunday afternoon and watch a TV show with, and do nothing, and feel like it’s the most fun ever." New York Post, 2015

On eating abroad:

"In Italy, you know you’ve found a truly authentic restaurant when they don’t have an English menu. In India, it’s when there are no utensils and you must eat with your hands." T Magazine, 2016

"For Chinese food, you don't want a nice place." Esquire, 2015

On cultivating a sense of humor:

"It’s not fun to be, like, 'Fuck Twilight!' It’s more interesting to come at it from the viewpoint of 'What? This is awesome!' -- and embrace things." The New Yorker, 2010

On making your own opportunities:

"There's probably so many people that are capable of incredible things that just don't get the opportunity. I always say that if I didn't write Master of None, nobody would've given me this part." Variety, 2016

On remembering how to treat those around you, especially love interests:

"[Life] is a mess but we’re all in the same boat, so let's just be nice to each other on the boat." The Guardian, 2016

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NBC

On remembering to treat yourself:

"Treat yo'self." Parks & Recreation, "Pawnee Rangers"

How to behave at a stand-up show:

"You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play. It bums me out that people don't really respect it as an art form as much as they should. If you're in a comedy club here, people are eating wings and shit. Texting. If you went to a play, no one would be texting during the show. Every show I do, someone at some point starts texting, even after I make a scene about it, saying, 'Please don't do it, I'm begging you. It's distracting, please don't.' It's nuts. If you're sitting there flashing a thing in my face, that's gonna distract me. Stand-up has rhythms, it's like a performance." Pitchfork, 2012

On the importance of quality over selling out:

"I'd rather do stuff that I'm really excited about, in really small venues, than do garbage at [Madison Square] Garden any night." The New York Times, 2014

How to healthily calibrate your goals:

"You can dream about awards but I dream the smart way: I just hope the show is really good and that people I respect really like it. If you dream in that way, everything else falls into place. If you dream the other way, you’re always going to be disappointed and a curmudgeon." The Guardian, 2015

On relatability:

"We were doing [the Master of None Episode 9 sex scenes] and a few of the crew came up to me and were like, 'This is exactly how it feels in real life.' It all goes back to this other idea -- and I don't know whose quote this is -- but it's the idea that the most personal ends up being the most universal." A.V. Club, 2015

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Netflix

On indecision:

"Why do we always want the best?... Maybe you just make confident decisions and feel great about them." Chipotle, 2015

Experience things, especially with your heroes, off the phone:

"This is an interesting thing I've noticed: when younger people come up to you and recognize you, a lot of times they're just interested in a photo for their Instagram. I saw Louis [C.K.] do this thing a long time ago where someone came up to him for a photo, and he was just like, 'Hey, I can't take a photo, but it's nice to meet you. What's your name?' and just talked to them for a little bit. And I was like, 'That's a great idea. I would much rather just speak to a person than sit there and pose for a photo. I feel awkward doing that. I don't enjoy that. One time there was a kid who came up to me. I was with my girlfriend having lunch. And he came up and was like, 'Hey, can I get a photo?' And I was like, 'Hey, you know, I'd rather not. I'm here with my girlfriend, hanging out with her, and I don't want to be rude to her. But I'm Aziz. What's your name?' And he was like, 'Chris.' And I was like, 'Oh, how's your day going? What’d you get to eat here?' or whatever, and he just walked off! But when he came up to me he was like, 'You're my favorite comedian!' If I had run into Chris Rock when I was in high school, and I was like, 'Hey, can I get a picture?' and he said no but he asked me stuff and was trying to engage in conversation, I would have stayed there until he pushed me away." Esquire, 2015

On appreciating family members, especially parents:

"What if we took [our parents] out to a nice dinner? And learned more about their lives and just said thank you?" Master of None, "Parents"

A bit more on family:

"I'm an incredibly lucky person and many of you are as well. Not to beat a dead horse here and sorry if this is cheesy or too sentimental but if your parents are good to you too, just go do something nice for them. I bet they care and love you more than you realize…. Enjoy and love these people while you can." Instagram, 2015

On work-life balance:

"While we were writing [Master of None], we would work until 6 or 7pm, and then we'd be done. There are other writers' rooms where people spend nights in the office. I can't imagine you're doing your best work then. You've got to be a person and do other stuff, or you're not going to be inspired to write." Fast Company, 2015

Furthermore:

"Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot." Parks & Recreation, "Ben's Parents"

On persistence:

"When I was first starting out, I went to the Comedy Cellar one night and Chris Rock dropped in. He was working on new [material] and it didn't go that well, but he didn't care at all and it was awesome... It was an important thing to see early on because it just made me realize that if I do a set and it doesn't go well… who cares? I'll just do another one." NYU Alumni Magazine, 2012

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CBS

How to tell if you're a feminist:

"If you believe that men and women have equal rights, and if someone asks, 'Are you a feminist?' you have to say yes because that is how words work. You can't be like, 'I'm a doctor that primarily does diseases of the skin.' 'Oh, so you're a dermatologist?' 'Oh, no, that's way too aggressive of a word -- no, no, no, not at all!' And this is another test: you're a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert and you're not like, 'Hmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23% less money than Jay Z. Also, I don't think Beyoncé should have the right to vote, and why is Beyoncé singing and dancing? Shouldn't she make Jay a steak? I'm sure he's very tired after walking and rapping those two songs.'" Late Show with David Letterman, 2014 

On talking to women:

"There are plenty of dummies who are ignorant of the myriad issues facing women. But a lot of the issues women have to deal with are coming into the light, and men -- the good ones -- are trying to be mindful of them. Things are headed in a better direction, but it's still very slow. If you're a dude, ask women about their experiences and be quiet and listen to their stories. It's mind-blowing." Interview, 2015

An inclusion reminder:

"A straight white guy is not every man. The 'everyman' is everybody." The New York Times, 2015

On being single:

"There's this weird kind of thing where you tell people… 'I'm kind of seeing someone.' And they're like, 'Oh, okay, good for you.' No, that's a shitty thing to say. I was happy when I was single, I just didn't want to be in a relationship. I think it's weird that there's this predisposed pat on the back if you have a relationship -- it doesn't mean anything." Billboard, 2014

On the importance of red flags:

"Some flags I look out for in general are Confederate flags. If you see those, that’s probably not good. If you go to the guy’s place and he has a huge Confederate flag -- a Confederate flag is a red flag." BuzzFeed, 2015

In general:

"Be nice to people and work hard." Entertainment Weekly, 2015

And on obtaining more wisdom:

"Steal as much wisdom from other people as you can." Esquire, 2015

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