First stop: Des Moines, the plural of Des Moine! Did you know that Des Moines has a 19.2-minute average commute time, one of the lowest for a city of its size? Or that in 2012, the West Des Moines Community Schools outlawed grinding at school dances? Of course you did, everyone knows these things.
The first one-on-one date: Jade
Jade is wearing a flannel shirt because she is now in Iowa, and gets driven out to Chris’s hometown of Arlington. Chris is hanging out with some of the coolest guys in Arlington, who are all cows. He informs Jade that land is one of his passions, as she aerates said land by stomping around on it in her heels.
From the farm they head into “town,” which is more like “a store, that closed, because THE EVIL, BUT HIGHLY COST-EFFECTIVE MACHINES ARE TAKING OVER THE FARMS.” There are no restaurants, the bar is shuttered, and there’s some dude who somehow got his hands on a Farberware coffee percolator, and will make you a cup if you go to his house. From there, it’s off to Chris’s high school for a football game, where Jade meets Chris’s Mom and Dad, and then doesn’t even sit with them.