The very-delayed rose ceremony
The rose ceremony finally commences, and all the girls are so nervous they're shivering. Oh wait, actually they’re shivering because Santa Fe is in the middle of the desert and it gets down to 25 degrees at night in this particular desert. Britt, Whitney, and Carly have roses. Who else stays??
First up: Jade. That’s an easy one. She seems to be firmly in second place at this point, right behind Britt’s lipstick. Kaitlyn is up next, and it’s worth remembering just how doomed she seemed on Night One after making plowing jokes that didn’t even reference a specific cash crop. Somehow, some way, Megan scores Rose No. 3, and even she seems confused by it -- although she seems confused by lots of stuff. Next: Becca! You have to keep at least one virgin; it’s in Mackenzie’s rules. And then... Ashley! Two virgins!!
We’re down to Mackenzie, Sam With the Shirts, and that scourge Kelsey. And it’s... Kelsey! Kelsey remains. Mackenzie, you should be with your kid anyway; and Sam, you need to go break people’s WiFi and put it on snapbacks, but... really? Well, the name of the show is drama, I guess. Wait, no, it’s The Bachelor. Also, I just looked up Drama, and apparently there has somehow never been a show named that. How is that possible? It could be just like Suddenly Susan, except in a high school theater class and absolutely nothing like Suddenly Susan. Someone greenlight this.
Now the real episode starts They’re going to Deadwood, South Dakota! Home of the bar where Wild Bill Hickok was shot, a really nice gulch, and 72 NC-17 films' worth of profanity from Al Swearengen. The Deadwood Mountain Grand, a Holiday Inn Resort, will be their home. Chris takes those funny old-timey pictures that you get at the amusement park, Britt stands on the balcony in a bra -- a bra bra, not even a sports bra -- and the date card arrives.
The one-on-one date: Becca "Let’s give love a shot." Sounds like it’s time to go get those sexy vaccinations, Becca! You lucky gal. Let’s break down what we know about Becca so far: 1) she hates sleeping with men as much as Britt hates Salon Selectives, 2) she is from San Diego, where she has not slept with anyone, 3) one time she thought about sleeping with someone, and did not sleep with that person, 4) that might have also happened another time, and 5) she’s a virgin. Also, she’s gotten cuter and cuter to me as the show has worn on, mainly because she appears to be one of the coolest girls left -- very real, very low key, not Ashley Winehouse-Kardashian-ing around the place talking about how she might be a one-of-72 prize for some lucky, well-behaved Muslim. She and Chris have still not kissed, and she’s GOTTA get that done today, but overall, I dig her style.